1. Why do you always make such horrible decisions in horror movies? It's not cool to split up!

^Because that's how horror movies work.

1. Why do you freak out when black people are cast to play white fictional characters?

^For the same reason you'd freak out if a white person was cast to play John Shaft or Fat Albert.

1. Why is a big butt and big lips considered attractive on a white woman, but they're unattractive on a black woman?

^Because personal preferences.

1. Why am I supposed to teach you how to twerk?

^Because nobody ever said that to you and you're making shit up.

1. Why do white people always act as though they have discovered a new trend when PoC have been doing it for virtually years?

^Because you're making shit up again. And who cares anyway?

1. Why is it when black women wear their hair natural it's seen as inappropriate but when a white woman does it's praised?

^Because citation needed.

1. Can you appropriate my student loans? Can you take that off my hands?

^You mean whatever debt is left to pay after all the grants you got for your skin color?

1. Why is it that white crime is seen as an isolated incident, but black crime is a representation of my entire community?

^I don't know. Maybe because black youth culture tends to respect and encourage criminal behavior?

1. Why does talking about race make you feel so uncomfortable? Is it because you think that you'll be perceived as racist?

^Yes, but only because these days, being accused of racism, true or not, has life-altering, career-ending consequences.

1. You don't really believe that racism is over because we have a black president do you?

^Nope. You don't really believe that you face the same struggle today that MLK did in the 50s, do you?

1. Why is it so easy for you to notice when there are no white people around, but you hardly ever notice when there are no black people around?

^For the same reason you don't notice when there are no white people in predominantly black areas.

1. Why is your goal to be color-blind? There are so many different types of people in the world, yet you can't see color?

^Because make up your fucking minds? Do you want people to see your skin color when they look at you or not?

1. Why do you want to say the N word so badly? If I don't use it, what makes you think you can?

^I don't want to say it more or less than any other word. What makes me think I can say it? Because I have a mouth and vocal chords.

1. Why do you always want to touch our hair?

^I don't.

1. Who told you it was okay to touch people without their permission?

^Nobody.

1. Why do you feel like having one black friend makes you a cultural expert and not a racist?

^Because you made that cultural expert thing up. And what makes you assume that I have just one black friend or any at all?

1. Is your only black friend comfortable with the reason why you can't be racist?

^See #16.

1. Why do you feel comfortable cursing at your parents?

^I don't.

1. Why do you kiss your dog on the mouth?

^I don't.

1. How come you can't pronounce black names like [unintelligible] but can say names like Shwarzeneggar, Galifinakis, and LeBouf just fine?

^Because they are celebrities and you hear their names every day.

1. Why do you feel like all lions' lives matter, but black lives don't?

^Because you're putting words in my mouth again.

1. Why is a lion's life in Africa more important than the black people here in America?

^Because lions don't make annoying Youtube videos filled with bullshit.

1. Why is it so hard to acknowledge your privilege?

^Because everybody has different ways in which they are privileged and disadvantaged. You don't give a fuck about my disadvantages so why would I give a fuck about yours?

1. How does it feel to not be the spokesperson for your entire race at any given time?

^I don't know. How does it feel to fail so miserably as the spokesperson for your entire race?