I jive with the theory behind your purpose, would love to hear in more concrete terms.. shoot me a PM when you find the time.

My last (current) purpose was to help a sick friend of mine and try to make his life... different. Hopefully help him enjoy it while recovering from his illness and, more ambitiously, nudge him away from some 'bad' spiritual habits. (Also vague but details on request).

I understand that none of this is forceable, so the goal is to be my 'best' self for my friend and hopefully draw out his 'best' so his suffering is more unavoidable/physical and less avoidable/spiritual. The real work of it is sharing good stories, redirecting unhealthy/ruminative stories, bringing new ideas out, planning for better times, being more active, helping his family out... It seems like there is a specific plan when I write it out, but in reality it is a lot less structured - it's just two bros hanging out trying to make the best of a crappy health problem.

On top of genuinely (in my mind) trying to spread the love, I admit to wanting something out of the deal for myself. I don't know exactly what it is, though, which is a general theme... is it to be 'seen'? to feel like there is a cathartic 'purpose'? to convince myself that there is 'agency'?

Regardless, it all seems to be (in) vain to me. So I help my friend feel better in spite of his problem. Aaaand? It's so small, I don't know...

I don't want to ramble aimlessly, so I hope that gives a good enough picture to keep the conversation going... Very curious how you deal with "The Doubt."