I haven't given many details, so it's understandable you can't help a lot. And it's a very complex problem. What I really appreciate is that you're letting me talk it out. That helps a lot. Thank you.

Also, most of the questions I ask here, please don't take them as challenges. They're genuinely questions we're asking ourselves--and in part is why I'm reaching out here. Again I'd like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to ask them.

Of course we'll talk to the agency; we understand why they'd want to place them together. We're not discounting anything (or at least trying not to). But we also share a sense of where our limits are.

Believe me I understand the implications of not taking one of the children. Our problem is: is it our responsibility who else might take the 2 year old? At some level, we can't save everyone, right? So if we try to do all we can, are we somehow worse for not doing more?

Taking one would put pressure on us. Taking 2 would hurt in a lot of ways. We could absorb the pain, because we are lucky in many ways. But as we already have 2 children, should we absorb pain? Or simply help one and be okay? You see the problem there?

It's easy to say our children would follow our lead in how they'd respond, but the reality is that already they have their own perspectives, views, and tendencies. So it wouldn't be entirely correct to say that.

But back to the separation question. Again, we're just not sure the 2 year old's fate is our responsibility.

FYI, I didn't say, but the children already are in the system. The question is: what can we do? As I mentioned, we could take the one, but the 2d seems like too much. So could we support that the 2 year old would stay in foster care? There are thousands of children in foster care; we're not responsible for them all. Nor are we responsible for either of these unless we choose to be.

You're not being pushy at all; you just don't have enough details because of my reticence. That's cool. But the other side of what you're suggesting is that if we can't take both, we shouldn't take either. That seems wrong to me too.

So to summarize: we would feel a lot of strain taking both--so taking both would be wrong to us. You see the problem? Sure, it's terrible that the 2 year old or that anyone is in foster care. But we're not the ones who put the children there.

I'm more concerned about the implications with the 6 year old if we only took her. It's unclear to us just how bonded she is to the 2 year old. Based on her life history, the 2 year old is the only person who's been stable in her life...for 2 years.

It is a complex, complex problem. Maybe the most complex we've ever faced.

Thank you again for helping me think aloud.