I'm by nature, and in a more permissive world, a Victorian goth/rivethead. That means my ideal power outfit is something like Victorian mourning dress with a lot of hardware and strong hard lines. That is obviously not something one can wear every day, and when I did try to do that daily, I hated the attention. I both felt awesome and like a sideshow. I honestly never dressed for attention from everyone, but that's what I got, so I've revised. To answer the questions:

My motivation now, post-accepting-real-world, is to come off like the person I am: a darkly romantic person with hard edges and pragmatism. I try to convey the former with shape (emphasizing my curves, using texture) and accessories (distinctive jewelry and perfume) and the latter with clothing details (menswear details, dark palette).

I like that these things are a built-in filter. Wearing all black all the time is not usual in my workplace, nor is my daytime-vampy makeup, but I get compliments on my look and I don't want for friendly coworkers or a social life. If I went into daily life in "full regalia," sure, people would be put off (FFS, I'm an accountant at a Fortune 100 company), but my very toned-down gets positive response. I think some of it is just that I own it and it seems intentional.

I feel like my style was only ever a hindrance in its fullest form. Toned down, no real problems.

I can't imagine a substantial improvement if I went totally normal-looking. Who am I possibly missing out on? Anyone who avoids me because of how I look now isn't someone I'd like if I had on a pastel costume. I've done my toning down to deal with any negative attention already.

So, finally, I've obviously toned down--that's my style story, I guess, figuring out what I love and continuing to figure out how to tie it into everyday business casual/streetwear style. I'm happier not getting unwanted attention, even if I don't feel as on point fashion-wise as I might like in an ideal world. And, I'll admit, the toned down version of my look is comfier, and that is a big deal, too! Timely example: sweaters. Not Victorian goth, not industrial, but damn comfy and when fitted/detailed right, they work for me.