I've actually been considering seeing a therapist (for other issues), but I just don't have enough money at the moment. I haven't properly looked though, I need to get to it.

I do feel like with my crushes, what I like most is the idea of them and how they look. Usually when I get to know them, the crush ends because they're not what I "expected". It's different with people I grow feelings for over time though, but the last time I was in love was when I was 14 so a while back.

I actually am not actively looking for someone (I'm pretty much a loner and I love being by myself, actually looking forward to living on my own), but I can't help but think about my crushes whenever I see them anywhere. And then I start thinking about how they'll never like me back so I just feel bad, yet I still daydream about them sometimes and what could be. I know it's unhealthy for me but it makes me feel good in the moment I guess.

I'll try to do that (currently I am friendless lol). Thank you :)