Your post is hauntingly familiar to my situation. I caught my wife cheating on me about six weeks ago. She had very similar issues to you. Please please please talk to your husband. We had been together for ten years and she was my best friend. A breakup would have been really hard but eventually we probably would have been able to be friends again, and that would have been a worst case scenario. If she had just talked to me we could have tried to make things work. I was lazy and stupid about our marriage but I was never selfish. i knew we had problems but I didn't know how serious they were. she didn't say anything to me. Instead she cheated on me repeatedly for four months with our close friend until I caught them. Afterwards we tried to make it work but ultimately at that point it was too late for her to come back to me. I've never been in so much pain in my life. Now I've lost both my wife and my best friend and we can never be friends again. No one deserves this. Your husband is a good man. If you cheat on him, you are a bad person, plain and simple.