(Long rant that I didn't mean to be so long ahead)

It's times like these when I am a mix of being thankful that I've been kind of a pussy when it comes to hooking up with girls, and also ponder why I couldnt have the courage to make a move when it was obvious (in hindsight) that I should have.

I would always go out with a group of rowdy guys who all got girls at the club/bar or whatever and I'd be the only one not hooking up at the end of the night because I would never take the plunge and make a move, and I always felt ashamed. In hindsight, there were times when I SHOULD have made a move, I SHOULD have been bold, but didn't.

I've definitely fucked up a "sure thing" multiple times by being overly cautious, and if I'm being totally honest, looking back, it was less out of a sense of doing the right thing and more out of a mortal terror of rejection, or "acting weird", which I think probably isn't even a good thing. Self-preservation. I was more concerned with being seen as a weirdo than I was with if the girl actually wanted it or not. Not that I would ever intentionally do something my partner wasn't ok with, but it became a pattern where I wouldn't even try to strike up a conversation a woman I was attracted to out of fear.

The only relationships (one-night stand or otherwise) I've had have been because the girl was openly trying to fuck me (sometimes to the point where they literally had to say out loud to me that they wanted to fuck).

I don't really even know where I'm going with this, but it's making me reflect on a lot of things. I think in today's world of hookup culture, it becomes very confusing for young men like me, and it's oftentimes destructive in either direction. Not to say it isn't also confusing for young women, but I'm a guy, so I'm just speaking from my perspective.