Yes I relate heaps that that part with talking openly about death and people think you're nuts, like my friend when I talk to him about antinatalism. He can't stand it, lol he says it's boring.

I've actually managed to get back on the normal track a few times but it just doesn't work. I'm not even sure if I'm depressed. I think I must be though because there's no point to life and I feel like shit whenever I see happy attractive people. Many times I day I think I wouldn't mind just dropping dead right now, but then some days I think No, not yet. It's not my time. It's honestly become such a mindfuck. I hate that once we realize the true nature of the world and human existence, that we just live and operate from the same corporeal being and die, it's really quite an existential crisis. I hate it. People live one life, die alone, and people hardly realize they were even there, just the background in a mass human population makes me want to crumple to the floor as if my innards are being scooped out