I am not more than an arm-chair psychologist... not even that really... but the fact that you mentioned "why can't I do it?" before any thought about suicide, makes me think that you suffer more from shame or guilt, than from truly suicidal thoughts.

Wouldn't be that unusual for people on this sub... that's sadly the case for many of us here.

Maybe you should revisit your definition of "success" and give it one last shot... aiming for whatever would make you truly happy.

For me, I don't really need a career or a lot of money. I love animals, if I could support myself someway taking care of animals... I would definitely consider myself successful.

Maybe you enjoy nature a lot or something like that, and it really is a freeroll to give it a try... if it doesn't work out... well then you are back where you started.

That being said, I am pretty drunk, and really don't know what the F* I am talking about...