You are handing over your body to a new owner. What do you point out?


You have the metabolism of a speed freak. No one understands why. You've had your thyroid tested. You're fine, you're just a freak of nature. You can basically eat whatever you want with this caveat: you have a digestive disorder, so you have to break up your meals and eat small things every 2-4 hours throughout the day. Do not test this. Your digestive system WILL flip out if you overload it, and you will be constipated for days if not an entire week.

You fucking LOOOOVEEEE fruits and vegetables. You don't have much of a taste for sweets or junk food, but twice in your life you've developed a serious sugar addiction that messed with your stomach and you had to go on keto for a year to undue the psychological and physical damage of eating candy several times a day for months at a time. Keto was awesome, but it was unsustainable. It's a fall back option, but you shouldn't have to resort to it if you take good care of yourself.

You are unemotional, potentially to a fault. People really value your pragmatic advice and rational outlook on the world. This is mostly a positive thing (at least, you think so), but occasionally it prevents you from recognizing when you are struggling with depressive episodes and severe anxiety, because you try to reason yourself out of why you have these problems. It's hard for you to accept there are parts of your mind you can't control through cognitive thought processes. Mental illness is not logical, and you cannot "logic your way out of it". Don't even try.


You have recurrent Major Depressive Disorder. Don't worry about it, you're not in an episode. In the event of an episode, the best course of action is to try to wait it out while exercising regularly and eating well. You do not play well with SSRIs.

You have panic disorder and generalized anxiety. You do not need to take anything for the generalized anxiety, because you exercise daily (please keep doing this, for your sake). Be aware of where the xanax is, should you need it.

Oh yeah, you also have ADD. Sort of. You're prescribed fun stuff for that, but DO NOT ABUSE IT. Holy fuck. Don't. You've been down that road. It's not good. Just take it daily at your prescribed dose or not at all. Do not double up. Do not skip days so that you can double up later and "have one super big productive day that is awesome and fantastic and everything good!" Don't. Your brain suffers for it.

You have acne prone skin but it looks good now because you always moisturize and don't use harsh chemicals on it. Same with the hair.

You basically are a slightly above average looking person who has the potential to look really good if you take care of yourself. But you have to do everything right.

Oh yeah, you take birth control. Remember how I said you were skinny? That is also in part due to having the opposite of child bearing hips. If you ever tried to conceive a child, you might die. That's okay though, because you hate children.

Did I mention you're a teacher? Isn't that funny? Don't worry, you really like your job, and you really like the kids. You just don't want any.

P.S. If you could learn to stop biting your nails, that would be AWESOME.

/r/AskReddit Thread