It really scares me. I am irresponsible enough to have a recurring cholesteatoma (a sort of cyst that seems to grow as fast as the cordyceps infection in The Last of Us) in one ear, and a few years ago one eroded through my skull, caused a bacterial infection and resulted in a brain abscess. I nearly died, had major surgery, was stuck in hospital for two months, and after discharge, required nurses visiting daily to service a hickman line in my chest (this allows drugs and anti-biotics to be administered directly to the heart for optimal dispersion through the body). I had hearing loss prior to the above emergency, but the brain infection and extensive ear sugery made it much worse. Near profound loss in one ear. Moderate to severe in the other. Communication was largely a game of charades because it was a few more months before I could be fitted with hearing aids.

The specialist equipment I require to hear well is provided and serviced regularly by the NHS. This is because I can't afford to go private and pay the price of a car every couple of years just so I can have conversations without difficulty and listen to music, watch TV, etc. You know, the things people with normal hearing take for granted. I have been informed by various audiologists that the cost of this equipment to the NHS is much lower than to the private sector because they supply far more nationwide and have greater buying power.

I'm sure some people think it is inconsiderate of me to expect to have hearing at a cost of nothing, but then I don't think it is for nothing. I have always worked and paid tax and believed the NHS to be a kind of insurance scheme. I never thought I'd really need it until I was really old and frail (terrible things only happen to others, right?), but I didn't have an issue with my taxes going towards it because it had helped so many people in my family over the years when they really needed it (elderly relatives suffering with strokes, cancer - that kind of thing).

Anyway, over the past two/three years, I have watched as more and more NHS audiology services were cut and patients sent to Specsavers. Then, more disturbing things began happening, like some health trusts deciding not to provide hearing aids to those with moderate hearing loss (which is worse than you probably think by the way). I am absolutely terrified that I'm going to end up living in a world of silence because of these services being slowly taken away and private health insurance not being an option because my hearing loss is a pre-existing condition. Honestly, if it happens, I will probably top myself. I have never been the most confident person in the world, but little knocks your confidence like losing the ability to hear and communicate effectively.