Not quite on the teller, but while delivering a pizza. Boss sent me to a shitty location that we had never delivered to before. Cunt failed to tell me before I left that he was suspicious of this order, instead he just sent me on my merry way. I arrived and looked for the door to the house. The yard was dimly lit, and the house was apparently built with no doors. Eventually I got bored of looking for a door that was more difficult to find than a g-spot, and headed back to my vehicle, a 1992 Holden Rodeo 1-tonner. (for anybody outside of Oz, this is basically an Isuzu Hombre). I was standing at the curb by my car when 3 bozoes approached me and asked for my money. I took a moment and asked them to repeat what they said because my first impression was that they looked like a comedy troupe that had escaped from a circus full of high school drop outs. They were literally standing from smallest to biggest, and displaying various degrees of multi-generational inbreeding. Fattest fucker was wearing a balaclava, but it wasn't on his head properly, instead half pulled down like in some bad comedy skit. One of the fuckers may have had a weapon, I don't exactly remember at the moment. Anyway, I asked them to repeat themselves, they told me to give them all my money. I pointed to my bum-bag (fanny-pack to you Sepoes), and said something smart like "this money, are you serious?" By now I realised that this wasn't a prank, instead the excess chromosomes and childhood head beatings had influenced these fart nuggets into attempting crime. Okay, game on nuggets. I tossed the pizza bag onto the tray of the ute, flipped the diet-coke bottle around so that I was now holding it by the neck like a weapon, and told the fuckers "let's go". (As a side, the diet coke thing stuck out. One of them was either worried about their weight, or a diabetic, but they took the time to show concern for their health while attempting to rob a delivery driver, sweet).
Anyway, the fart fuckers ran off in different directions. I took a few moments to gather myself, confirm what just happened actually happened, and then decided to go Charles Bronson on the fuckers. I threw the pizzas into the cabin, grabbed the tyre iron, and went hunting. I couldn't get to them on foot so I drove around the hood. When I did see one of the turd-smears, they ran through a bunch of flats so I had to circle around. I managed to catch up with Stupid McFatFuck as he was fleeing up a school drive way. I parked the ute and walked out to confront him, iron was left in the cabin. As I started to lecture the grunt (my Bronson urge had worn off and I moved to angry parent), and his drongo mates started to appear. I walked back to the cabin, grabbed Mr Iron Liberator Tool, and walked back at 3 dumfucks, who now lost their will to fight and ran through the school yard. Determined not to destroy my ute, nor commit any crimes myself by driving through a school yard, I headed back to base to be asked by my boss if I had 'fisted' any of them. (Fisting being what my idiot boss called punching).
The upside is that all worked out for the best, we managed to have free 'failed robbery' pizza, and a story to tell.