I'll be scorned for saying this perhaps but holy shit... it hurts watching Colbert. I love Colbert as an entertainer himself but the show needs to retool.
1) The band. In particular Jon Baptiste. Ugh. Have you ever overdosed on LSD and ended up watching a sponge mildew in the sink basin? Yeah, that would have more entertainment than him. I could only state it in the same way he has a million times, with a dead pan stare into nothingness and, "yeahhh..haha"
2) The rest of the band. Is their name the Codeine Crew? Want to pep it up, bring in the Lawrence Welk bubble machine.
3) While at it. The musical talent director or whatever the fuck job title they gave to Ritalin boy. STOP FUCKING BOOKING, "Fuzzy Buzzy and the Wombat Rapers" from Pips-so-where-the-fuck, Wisconsin with their Electronica Kazoo Funk vibe. Jesus, mother of god. Stop!
4) No one gives a flying fuck if you are religious Steve and no one feels the same need as you to apologize for having it. You are doing prime time, not Sunday morning PPV. That whole hour blocked off for Pope-a-vision?!
5) The shlocky product placements. "And now my special guest...Oreos! Oi, I love you Oreos, do you love me Oreos? I love you, yes I do! oddball grin into cameras Some might say I am being paid for this by Oreos...but I'm not...I'm really really really not! Oh look! It's Bill Murray dressed in a funny hat with Oreos on it! How uncanny."
5) Speaking of old dying people. If you are going to cart them out with their attending oxygen tanks, at least vet them for humor bones. Burt Reynolds was honestly the most unpleasant thing ever. What a bitter old shit of a man. The show even made John Cleese unfunny! That whole dueling hats bit? Yeah....pretty sure that bit was written by the musical director.
6.. no 7.. no 6!) Enough of the fucking roof of your joint! Stop panning the camera up to the roof. Stop having your guests commenting on the roof. Stop pointing out the roof! It's a roof for the fucking love of Pete! Enough with the roof!
7) Nowww... Let's talk about your character bits. I have a tip for you, PLAY THE CHARACTER! Don't play Cobert playing a character playing a character.
You know what?! I'm done. I think through out this short passage I have finally voiced what I have been feeling but not openly admitting. Fuck the Colbert show and fuck late night TV. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Fuck I need a blowjob now.