Concerns about cutting parents off

  1. Talk to your school's financial aid office ASAP and explain your parents are emotionally abusive and you'll need a dependency override for the spring FAFSA (due in Feb 2021). Ask what specific documentation they need for the override (statement from a counselor, law enforcement, etc.) and then quietly plan on how to get it. Also ask about the student health insurance plan.
  2. Make a budget and think about how to downsize your lifestyle. If that means finding a subleaser for your expensive apartment and moving into a cheapo place, now is the time to do it. Think about alternate forms of transportation to work or living somewhere close enough you can talk there.
  3. Look at your schedule and think realistically about how to work more hours without falling behind in school. Maybe that's going FT at work, maybe it's taking on a part-time gig. My senior year of college, I worked 8 hours a day, went to class 3 hours a day, had an hour of free time each day, and spent my weekends doing homework/writing papers and bartending part-time. It sucked and I had no life, but it was only temporary and it was still better than living with my mom.
  4. Time to open a bank account somewhere your parents don't bank. Slowly take out cash and transfer as much money as you can into the new bank account without them noticing, and when it's time for D-Day, authorize a big transfer for the rest of it. Make sure to change your direct deposit at work so it goes to the new account.
  5. When you have everything lined up, be ready to call your mom's bluff. The next time she threatens to take away tuition, calmly say, "If that's what you want to do, that's your choice. I appreciate all the help you've given me so far" and gray rock. She will sputter with rage but may or may not actually follow through. She might be so afraid of losing her last connection to you that she doesn't follow through. Either way, you can rest easy knowing you're prepared.
/r/EstrangedAdultChild Thread