You’re coping with a ton! And it sounds like you already have a lot of self-awareness, persistence and courage. This is your core strength and character. Rely on it, and keep it safe.

Though I’m not a mom, I have lived through an “enmeshed” client scenario with a toxic family business, and the former role of secretary/housekeeper/chef/librarian/bookkeeper at home and while working as a business partner with my spouse. Plus dysfunctional family mess on both sides. (All pre-therapy).

The toxic work environment will not change, and can create all kinds of physical stress symptoms on top of what your consciously aware of. In this climate, I understand the need to keep it for now. If I were in your shoes, I’d silently begin working on Plan B BEFORE it gets untenable. You need to commit to your exit strategy so it’s not suddenly like falling off a cliff. Sock away as much savings and emergency fund as you can. Have a new resume in order. Research and maintain a list of next prospects, even if there are no public postings. That at least saves you time and energy. Really though, you need to get out of this office before you’re beaten down. I was my own boss and still got completely overwhelmed and triggered before I knew just how bad it was on top of old family trauma. I haven’t worked since and had to shift all energy to therapy and just being ok.

My spouse/partner and I have also learned a lot in couples therapy. It’s still hard, but we are back to being partners instead of unhealthy patterns, largely developed while coping with outside stressors like toxic work and our (former) families. It gets compounded.

All to say, sooner than later is better for your health. I had to really get beyond the “sunk costs” fallacy that so many of us were trained as children to get mired in, like quicksand. Take care -