Have you tried methamphetamine (crystal meth)? Yes, I know. The stigma around it is huge. But it is a better quality stimulant than Adderal, or Ritalin, or cocaine. You don't have to snort it or inject it. It can be easily smoked and the effects are long lasting.

There certainly are many people who have not handled their use of meth very well. Their stories are numerous and its reputation is notorious. But the same is true about a vast number of legal and illegal drugs. Many of the problems associated with any drug or addiction are due to a lack of honest information, education, dialog, and legal resources.

I would not casually recommend that any person should try this course of treatment. You are familiar with stimulants and the benefits that your physiology derives or needs from them. So perhaps this discussion can help you find options to live and live happily. The stigma around the use of meth is so huge that people are reluctant to share their knowledge or experience publicly or even in private. But honest and open dialog is one of the most valuable commodities we can share.

You have instigated some soul baring discussion here in the middle of a mechanics forum. Your life and experience has touched the lives of many people in these threads in the last couple hours. You have made a positive impression as you tried to impart your wisdom on the risks of prolonged over-stimulation. I do not see you as being selfish or crying out for help. You merely tried to share some good advice and honest dialog on your way out. Thank you for that.

You have touched a number of strangers on the internet here tonight. And it has been positive. If you can do that here, then you can certainly have such an impact in your community. To know you, and then to lose you.... this would be a bigger loss than you may be aware. Is this selfish on the part of the living? Absolutely. Do they get a say in your decision? Not really. But there is still so much for you to enjoy in life and to share with those you know and those you will meet.