Meant to be 'don't have a true'. I just don't feel like I couldnt fit in as a girl. I get spurts where I want a girls body and to be completely feminine or even forced into it, but it's usually a hyper feminine image and I don't think if I transitioned I would have the image (am 5'11 and I'm guessing going to be 6 foot and I'd want to be smaller as it'd make it more obvious I'm male, I dont really want the mundane moments of life and the extra hardships of how people view me and transitioning itself, let alone the anxiety ). I don't think I'd be able to make friends with other girls because I'd be attracted to them and already get lots of anxiety from that coupled with not being like a girl in my thought patterns and just not being a 'real girl'.

For example in class (from U.K so we have school uniform so everyone dresses the same) I'll see a more feminine and hot girl with a skirt on (if it's high up more chance I'll think about it as its more feminine looking showing more shape of the body) and might think how it'd look on me. I see an average looking girl with a skirt on and the thought doesn't come to mind.

If I see high heels i might stare at them, but never girls flats. similar to hair, makeup, nails - when done averagely it doesn't really bother me, it's like an all or nothing where I'd like to look like Kylie Jenner, but being the average looking woman (which I'd be closer looking to) doesn't really interest me. I'm not so interested in the casual life of a girl if that makes sense like I'd rather just get plastic surgery, try and be a trans super model or marry someone rich haha.

Although it's quite vain and not natural seeming, I'm being honest because if I did decide I'm trans then I can't hide it and that's what'd feel the best for me - it's part of why I'd consider it to not be trans, but more fetishy. like if my sex drive went then I wouldn't have the super feminised image of myself to get off to and might just lose interest in a transition at all.

But I don't really know and maybe that's a fairly common dream or desire of people transitioning.

Thanks for the feedback any ways