My name is Samantha, by the way, and I am a recovering drug addict. I find it easier to admit to this fact since everything that has happened this past week. I say recovering because I no longer hlave the urge to go near drugs. Ever again. Before I tell this story, I need to make something very clear. I do not blame the people who did this to me. I had gone too far, and in extension, I had put them in a horrible position. However, I will not apologize to my former friends. I do not believe I owe them so much. If anything, I’m just lucky to be alive, and that to me is enough.
”We’d better make a shopping list for the bonfire tonight,” Cam drawled, holding in the hoot until I was sure his lungs would burst.”You say that every time we go out, man,” Marcy choked, exhaling her hoot, ”We get the same shit every time.” I reached over for one of the notebooks littered on the coffee table in front of me. ”Pen, pen, pen,” I muttered to myself. I found a neon purple pen under a couple magazines and proceeded to start a list. ”Weeeeeed!” Dan screeched, swivelling in his computer chair. We all chuckled. I admit, Dan’s antics could be pretty entertaining when we were on cloud 9. ”I wanna do meth tonight.” We all stopped laughing and turned to stare at Ethan. His eyes were cold and unflinching. He was serious. ”Man-“Cam started. ”I know – don’t do it man, we’re above that, blah blah,”Ethan went on, imitating Cam’s voice, ”But what if it’s the best high we’ve ever had?” We all went quiet. When you’ve tried everything else in the narcotics world, a “better” high did sound pretty enticing. I looked down at my hands, picking away nervously at the skin surrounding my thumb nail. I could feel Cam’s eyes on me, begging me to talk Ethan down. This happened weekly. Ethan would suggest something crazy and reckless, then the rest of the group somehow convinced me to talk him out of it. It was getting more and more difficult to do, I’ll be honest. ”Just once?” Ethan smiled at me, knowing full well that the others relied on me to shut him down. I smiled back coyly. I kind of wanted to try it, too. Cocaine, heroin, crack, molly and MDMA, ecstasy, acid, marijuana – we had tried it all. The only thing we hadn’t done together was the be all to end all – crystal meth. ”Okay!” I said simply, a smug smile playing on my lips. The whole group looked shocked, except Ethan, who was smiling like he just won the damn lottery. Dan stumbled, almost falling off his office chair. Marcy dropped her hands to her sides, her mouth agape in honest shock. ”Sam, that is-“ Cam started. I cut him off. ”Look, wouldn’t it be an interesting experience? Just try it once, see how we feel about it? It isn’t for everyone, sure. All I know,” I stopped myself and looked over at Ethan, ”I wanna get high as fuck tonight.” ”Well, I had a feeling you’d say that,” Ethan shot back. He was amped. I could almost see the excitement pulsating from his core. He reached behind and grabbed his wallet off the desk, began filtering through it and pulled out a fat bag. We all leaned in, transfixed by this bag of crystalline substance in his hand. ”Whooooaaaaa..” Marcy trailed off, tugging nervously at her hair, ”How did you-“ ”How did I know? Well, I figured I can be pretty persuasive sometimes. Besides, it’s the purest stuff from here to Toronto.”
It was decided then. We would split the bag up five ways. Each of us would have our own portion, but we were not to smoke it without one another. Whatever happened at the bonfire, we would have our phones with us and would rendezvous at the cars if anyone got lost or ran off. We had spent all day cleaning the house, getting ready for the night. Ethan decided that it was time to get high, so he pulled out his crack pipe, which would be a pretty similar set-up to a meth pipe. He loaded it up with a decent-sized rock from his bag, looked up at each of us, lighter in hand. ”Cheers!” he said, before lighting the flame below the pipe, inhaling long and hard. He exhaled after a couple seconds, then smiled.
”Wow..” he said, handing the pipe to the left. We all took turns, each of us taking longer than the last to commit. I admit, it was a terrifying new experience. When the pipe reached me, I took a large chunk out of my bag. I faked a shocked gasp. ”Go big or go home, right?” No one argued with me. After all, none of us had any previous experience with crystal meth.
The feeling was indescribable. It felt like I was being caressed by a thousand soft feathers, while my head was floating in a warm lake.We were clearly all enjoying the high, and decided we should head to the bonfire. Marcy had bought the liquor – it was her turn tonight, so our drinks featured vodka or lukewarm beers. Both tasted perfect right now, so there were no complaints. Dan drove to the party, drunkenly swerving left and right on the double-lane highway. When we reached the party, it was in full swing, and we saw quite a few people we knew as we pulled into the field. The night was spent dancing drunkenly, snorting rails of cocaine and morphine, drinking vodka and taking our clothes off. Everything was perfect. Until I took that second pull.
We had met up in a clearing to smoke more – at Ethan’s request, of course. We all took turns smoking again, this time more eager to take our individual turns. As soon as I inhaled mine, I wished I hadn’t. I could feel that something was wrong. My chest began to ache so badly, I couldn’t stand it, but I couldn’t express how I was feeling. I gripped at my chest, and slowly fell down to the grass below us. Everyone freaked out. I was fading in and out of consciousness, my friends rushing around me. One minute I could see Marcy in front of me, but everything was silent. I could see her mouthing my name over and over again, I could feel Cam gripping my hand, and could see Ethan pacing in the background, holding his head in his hands. The realization came to me. I must be having a heart attack. Cardiac arrest, maybe.
As I lay on the ground, I came to a couple times to see that Cam and Ethan had left, only Marcy and Dan stayed with me. Where had they gone? I wondered. What felt like hours later, they were back, with a couple large plastic bags, rubber gloves and.. a shovel? I tried to cry out. What the fuck were they doing? Marcy was in tears, probably begging them not to do it, but I saw Ethan’s face distort angrily, and he slapped Marcy across the face. I wanted to reach out and hug her close, protect her from Ethan, but I couldn’t move.
I passed out for God knows how long. When I came to again, I felt like I was being weighed down by something heavy. Something wet and cool that surrounded my entire body. I opened my eyes and realized that everything was dark. I began to panic, claustrophobia taking over my inebriated mind. I tried to reach up, but realized whatever was covering me was heavier than I had anticipated. Suddenly, it hit me. I was covered in dirt. My friends had buried me in the ground. I wasn’t dead, I was alive! I tried to cry out, but knew that no one would hear me. I resorted to sobbing hysterically, but decided that I may have limited oxygen in this.. bag? Was I in a plastic bag? I began wiggling my body, as much as I could, until I could get my arms up to my face. I must not be buried very deep, because I could almost taste the air above me. After 20 minutes or so of wiggling and pawing through the earth above me, I felt cold air. I pulled myself out of my shallow grave, mud and dirt caked to my face, my arms, my legs. I gasped in mouthfuls of the glorious air. I was completely mortified. The only people in the world that I trusted, had literally just buried me alive, in a field, alone to die. The disbelief turned to shock, to anger, to sadness, then back to anger. Those fucking pricks had disposed of me like a used needle, tossed me in the trash. I pulled the bag of ice from my pocket and tossed it in the shallow grave behind me. After 10 minutes, I found my way back to the bonfire, but the party was long over. I found my way to the main road and had enough service to make a phone call. It rang three times before he answered.
”Did you have a good time tonight?” I mocked.
”S-Sam?” Cam’s voice was shaky and unsure. I could hear everyone in the background go quiet, like they’d heard the voice of a ghost.
"Lock your doors tonight,” I said simply, then hung up.
Dammit Samantha you always do this shit! Why can't you just say you're not in the mood to go like a normal person! GEEZ! I'll go to Mcdonalds by myself,. Its not a big deal at all. You don't have to be so dramatic all the time.