Feels like this is pointless to say but I showed my therapist a few pieces of music that I made when my grandpa passed away around this time last year. She told me I should begin working on film scores and told me to show it to my aunt who gave me the exact same advice, you could be working on movies. I only made the music because I was in emotional shock. I can't replicate that process at all. I don't consider myself a musician. Sure I make some music but that's not the same to me. I don't know what i'm doing. I'm just warping sounds. Working on it professionally seems like such a huge leap that i'm not sure i'd be comfortable making, it's not why I make music. I don't want anything out of it or i'd have been doing that for years already.

My transition is going well I think. I'm 2 months on hormones and noticing effects, like I have an hourglass figure going on which is kinda cool and holy crap my butt, once my shoulders and arms thin out a bit i'm going to look femme as hell. I had a really feminine physique for a guy in retrospect so it's kind of clear to me why the HRT is just going to steamroll through me, whereas before while on T it seemed so much worse than it was.

I was only ever seeing the negatives before, literally lost in them. I'm a 135lbs 5'8 blonde metal chick. I could not for the life of me see it like that before. It seemed so masculine to me at the time. I still look male in the face but that is rapidly deteriorating. I'll have laser in a month or so and voice therapy starting later this month. Next year rhinoplasty and a trachea shave, then i'm living my life full throttle, might even try to score a student film for experience or something who knows. Thanks for listening.