Hello everyone,

I am not exactly a Wiccan but I do follow the general practices quite closely. I'd like to hear from anyone who feels worthy in what they have to say.

A bit of background: I was born into a heavily Christian family. Being Hispanic, I've seen the whole machismo/religious thing. My single mother meandered through various types of Christianity (baptist/catholic/Jehovah'witnesses/Mormon) and has even tried yoga and reiki. After considering myself rigidly Christian and consequently going through tremendous inner turmoil as a gay man I have become a very spiritual however not so religious individual. As a child I was always drawn to the trees from climbing them to drawing then and sitting in their shade. I had always known there was something beyond. As a teenager I became obsessed with natural beauty and plant life. So naturally Wicca seemed to apply to a lot of the values I already had.

I started reading about Wicca about three years ago. I don't cast very many spells but I have seemed to be able to attract and repel certain things, people, and situations. I don't exactly speak to any one particular deity by name but often pray to both the feminine and masculine aspects of a higher power. The lord and the lady of you will. So I'm caught between worlds and rituals and I don't know if spells are for me because I find that crafting and painting as well as drawing/ sculpting are a sort of spell in their own respect. I meditate almost every day and I write my experiences in a journal but I always feel like something is missing. Could it be solitude in my practice? Lack of rituals/system? Any advice or thoughts, I'm very open minded and believe that something of importance will come. Don't be afraid to share.