This is extremely similar to my marriage/divorce. Met her when we were 15, pursued her but she wasn't having it. Stopped pursuing her, she fell in love with me. I still held a special place in my heart for that girl even though I'd given up so I was on board. Within the first month of her and I seeing each other she became pregs. Had our daughter, then 3 months later learned she was 2 months pregs again with son, they're ten months apart.
I took a job for the railroad out of town, saw my family seldomly. Still provided financially for them, but I wasn't able to work 70+ hours a week and be there physically too. That created a wedge over the course of five years, a few separations in between that time. During our separations I always noticed she'd pull out from her depression and get shit accomplished.
When I'd be in the picture, she'd go back on zoloft and find herself depressed again. I left her again, she got a degree and began pursuing a career. I came back, she's depressed and the simplest tasks like taking a shower would overwhelm her. I couldn't help but notice the trend, but I felt like damn it I can't be the one who keeps leaving her, hopefully she'll leave me and become happy.
I lost my job and slipped into a world.. of warcraft, for.. a few years. I was a sad case, things weren't going well at all but for some reason she just wouldn't leave me. We didn't even have a car anymore, we ended up moving in with my mother. It felt like an all time low for us, she held on though I wanted her to let go for her own good.
She ended up finding a job, and became the bread winner. I became a stay at home dad/disc priest PvP sensation. Didn't do a bad job taking care of the kids, mostly played when they were at school but I was anything but a husband. I was already deeply depressed too, I just didn't know how to see the signs. We were nothing more than roommates, the sex had ended long ago.
Finally I couldn't weigh her down anymore, I loved her and wanted her to grow to her full potential. She was still on zoloft and it wasn't working. We had no car still, she took busses to work and I walked the kids to school, years like this. I finally left, I hitchhiked and hopped trains across the country, looking for something, running from something. I realized I couldn't run from my problems, I was my problem.
I came back and cried in her arms and asked her if we could talk. We had the most grown up talk I've ever had, I was finally open and honest with her. It was so fucking hard to be so real, but she needed it and so did I. The kids were now 12-13, they didn't understand it at all and that was the hardest part, just telling them.
We had talks for several nights, out in the backyard at night away from the kids. It was always calm, but there were tears. There are tears now, it's still hard when I reflect on it like this in detail. She's the most stellar human being I've ever known, the best mother I've ever seen.
I had to lose her so she could shine. That's exactly what she did, she got a much better job with a company that adores her. She got a car, she furthered her education. She fucking rocked, every which way she got things done it was beautiful and I swallowed the pain and kept encouraging her as her friend.
We're best friends now, 2.5 years after divorcing. We take the kids on vacations and do things families do. The kids understand it now, and we're all happier. I think they know I'm dealing with depression still, but I'm not always gonna be. I'm gonna be alright someday, and I'm just very relieved that my ex-wife/best friend beat me to it.
I'm torn because nobody has ever loved me like that woman, and I've never loved anyone like her. I wish we could make it work, but I refuse to let her take me back because I haven't done the appropriate work on myself yet, and I'll be damned if I drag her and our children backwards again.