Ok dude. I'm not sober and not a fucking shrink, but here's my useless advice (since I don't know you, take it with a grain of salt).

It is not impossible to get out of shitty situations. Cheesy, eh? Cheesy, but true. So hear me out, here's some personal crap. When I was 14, my mom died. My step dad was a dick. Is a dick, in fact, and if he ever sets foot in my appartment, I call it self defense if I bash his fucking face in. Anyways - I was depressed, talked to fucking useless shrinks, the whole 9000 yards. And you know what? It's all bullshit. All of it. A Master's degree in psychology does not make you understand people. Fucking magic, right?

So, for me, I needed to find something I like. And then something I'm good at. Two different things, unfortunately, but life isn't giving shit away like the rape van giving out candy, if you catch my drift. For me the first was Heavy Metal. Yes, good old Iron Maiden. Liked it before, LOVED it when I was in a really fucking dark place. Still love it today. Never lost any passion about it. Does it pay the bills? Sure as hell not. Is it awesome? Sure as hell is. Helped me find some of my dearest friends to this day, in fact. Helps me if I feel like a piece of shit. Helps me in any situation, actually.

So - find something you love. That might take a while. That's fine. Don't spend time worrying about if it's worth it or some crap. Find something you truly love and enjoy. And once you got there, find people who share that passion. And if you now think: But wait, I'm living in bumfuck nowhere, Dixie Road, Alabama, there's none sharing my passion for (insert activity) here? Doesn't matter. Use the internet. There's always someone just as odd as you. They are in Portland, OR? Or in China? Who cares?

Second step - you know have something you love. Something to keep you occupied, to get your mind off the crap around you. Dickfuck stepdad screaming at me? Black Sabbath, fuck off dude. Lost my job? Well fuck it, here's Dio, it's gonna work out in the end. I'm not even gonna lie, I supported that mindset with a LOT of drugs. Is coke helping? Nope. Is it fun? You bet your ass it is.

Now, find something that might actually help you from an adult's perspective, so to speak. Not necessarily a job - but something that might wind up being one. Why's that two different things, you ask? Well, let me tell you. Corporate America can suck. Corporate Europe can suck. Corporate fucking Nambia can suck, as far as I can tell. Jobs can ruin your passion - don't let that happen. So this is why you want something that you enjoy, but maybe not as much as your actual passion. For me, again, personal bullshit, was CS. Take away my tech shit? Yeah, fuck you. Take away my records? I'm gonna go medieval on your ass. Tiny 5'9" 170lbs me is gonna fuck your shit up, if you will. It's more of a metaphor, sure, I'm way too out of shape to do anything but scream, but hey, it's the thought that counts.

In the end, what I wound up with was two things: Good friends that share my passion(s) and a well paying job that I'm actually good at. I don't think about killing myself anymore - sure, mom being dead makes me sad, but that's a part of life. If I'm feeling like shit, Iron Maiden it is. Back to the roots. College? Yeah, I did go to college. But I don't have a Master's, no PHD, no MBA, like almost everyone on my field. But I'm good at what I do, so I proved that and got my ass in the industry.

Now, as a disclaimer - why am I posting this to /r/drunk? Well, sure, I drink too much. I have an addictive personality. Probably gonna kill me one way or another eventually. But that's a thing I'm gonna tackle another day - for now, I'm just happy that I'm not a suicidal, depressed teenager anymore.