I'm just starting a new story and I'd love some feedback. It will focus mostly on Albus and Scorpius in their fifth year. Here is the first chapter any and all feedback is greatly appreciated:
Albus Severus Potter, much like his brother and sister was not an ordinary child. For one thing he had no idea what a plug did and for another he had never once used a telephone, but perhaps his most unusual quality was that he was a wizard. Albus had just turned fifteen years old and was about to begin his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Up until his fourth year, Albus had been dreadfully disappointed by Hogwarts, he had always expected to have adventures like his father before him, the infamous boy who lived – Harry Potter. However, Albus had not been so lucky and, in fact, had quite the opposite experience. Unlike his entire family, who had been sorted into Gryffindor, Albus had been sorted into Slytherin (much to the delight of his older brother James Sirius who liked to tease him but to the dismay of Albus himself). It wasn’t all bad, however, Albus did manage to make one friend, his name was Scorpius Malfoy and he was the son of Draco Malfoy, a man with whom Harry had never quite gotten along with (to say the least) until fairly recently. Scorpius and Albus became friends almost immediately and had remained so ever since. In their fourth year Albus and Scorpius had managed to steal a time turner and endanger their entire existence when they changed the past. After this, Albus figured he quite liked having adventures with his best friend and after finishing out the rest of his school year much happier than the way he had begun it, he decided he would have many more and there was no better time to start than fifth year.
The Summer between Albus’ fourth and fifth year had been considerably better than the previous three combined. He no longer dreaded his inevitable return to Hogwarts and, for the first time since starting the school, was looking forward to the first morning of September when he would get back on the Hogwarts express – the magnificent Scarlet coloured steam train which transported Hogwarts students from Kings Cross Train Station in London to Hogwarts in the Scottish Highlands.
There were many reasons that had made that Summer so good, one of which was that he had managed to convince his dad to have their floo network connected to the Malfoys so Albus was able to see his friend almost every day, another was that James had been gone for most of it (he had been working in Weasleys Wizard Wheezes – the joke shop owned by their uncles Ron and George – to earn himself enough galleons to buy himself a new broomstick for his final year at Hogwarts) and so wasn’t spending his time teasing Albus and their younger sister Lily Luna. Finally, Albus was enjoying his Summer even more so that year because he was now getting along with his father better than he had been for the past few years. Since his “escapade” (as Harry had taken to calling it) in fourth year, Albus and Harry had become much more comfortable around one another, they were by no means best of friends but they now had a respect for each other they had been missing before.
On the morning of July 31st Albus was awakened by Lily (who would soon be starting her third year at Hogwarts) and his mother Ginny who both looked like they had forgotten something extremely important.
‘Come on Al’ said Ginny hurriedly ‘we slept in! The game starts in less than an hour’. For Harry’s birthday Ginny had bought the entire family tickets to the quidditch match of the season – Puddlemere united facing off against the Chudley Canons for the quidditch cup (this was the closest the Chudley Canons had come to winning the cup in almost 130 years) – and they would be joined by Molly and Arthur (Albus’ grandparents on his mother’s side) as well as Hermione and Ron and their two children Hugo and Rose.
Albus climbed out of bed and pulled on his clothes (today he was sporting a bright orange Chudley Canons sweater – given to him by James, who actually enjoyed quidditch - which was enchanted so that their motto ‘Let’s all just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best’ flashed orange and brown across both the front and back) and ran downstairs. When he arrived in the kitchen he found his dad trying to pull on his jersey while at the same time trying to put on his socks (one was half way on his foot and was inside out and the other was on the floor, and was also inside out). James was also in the kitchen though he was already dressed and was enjoying a large bowl of porridge which he had covered with honey. After everyone was dressed and Harry had fixed both his socks and his jersey, everyone (except for James who had savoured his porridge) ate a hurried breakfast and headed to the fireplace.
James stepped into the fireplace first, took a handful of floo powder, threw it to the ground and shouted ‘The Burrow!’ before he disappeared in a magnificent emerald blaze. Lily was next and Albus soon followed. When he arrived in his grandparent’s fireplace he was greeted immediately with a hug from his grandmother.
‘Albus!’ exclaimed Molly with joy ‘how wonderful it is to see you’ He could see that Hermione, Ron, Hugo and Rose had already arrived but they weren’t in the living room.
Soon after, there was a brief stir and then Ginny appeared in the fireplace. ‘Morning mum’ she said with a smile before being grabbed and hugged by Molly. This was repeated yet again when Harry arrived.
After everyone had been hugged by Molly (and forced to eat a slice of toast because they looked peckish) they headed out. They had to rush to make it on time to the portkey Arthur had managed to set up.
‘How’s things at the ministry Harry?’ asked Arthur (Mr Weasley had recently retired from his position in the department for the misuse of muggle artefacts which he was thrilled with because it gave him a lot more time to focus on his ever-growing collection of plugs). ‘Well, there were rumours of a garden gnome rebellion’ Harry looked at Arthur and smiled weakly. ‘That slow, eh?’ said Arthur with a sigh, ‘I suppose it’s better than a centaur rebellion or a goblin uprising, at least you can put your feet up’.
Ginny was walking ahead with Hermione both were speaking excitedly about the fact that the Chudley Canons may actually win this year but nobody was more excited than Ron who was talking to James and Molly about how this was finally going to be their year and how all of the years of disappointment would finally be worth it.
Lily walked with Hugo as they discussed how excited they were to get started in third year because they could now take elective subjects.
In the back Albus walked with Rose. Before they started Hogwarts, Albus and Rose had gotten along quite well but when Albus was sorted into Slytherin and Rose into Gryffindor the two became rather distant, it was only the year before that they had started to rekindle their friendship (while Scorpius had taken to asking out Rose at least once a week). ‘O.W.L.S this year’ said Rose ‘I wish I could just take them now and be done with it, I’ve already learned all of our course books for this year’ Albus looked at her in bewilderment ‘but you haven’t bought the books yet’ ‘I know’ she replied ‘I checked them out of the library last year and learned them by heart. What about you?’ she asked ‘are you nervous?’ ‘Not yet’ said Albus ‘though I expect I will be as soon as I have to start studying for them’ They then went on to talking about the match which Albus was surprised by how much he was looking forward to it (both he and Scorpius had spent some time playing quidditch during the Summer and he was finally beginning to see why everyone loved the sport so much).
When they arrived at the portkey (which was in the form of a rusty old bicycle) everyone grabbed hold and they were soon standing outside a large quidditch stadium (and Molly was mumbling about how she was too old to be using portkeys and how she was only there to see Celestina Warbeck).