Sounds like you are doing everything you can to help out in the home. In my opinion, you are doing a lot actually. The only thing I can think of is maybe she’s bored? Has she considered getting a part time job now that the kids are in school?
I struggle in the area of intimacy myself. Here’s my situation:
My SO and I don’t have kids together but he has two from a previous relationship 50% of the time. I get pangs of resentment as he barely helps out around the house. I moved in with him in his home so his kids could stay in the same school. His house is three times the size of mine and a lot more work than I was doing before when it was just me and two dogs. Double this due to having kid clutter that I’ve repeatedly asked him to start clearing out as 3/4 of it is crap they have outgrown or don’t play with. I actually find cleaning to be relaxing but it’s difficult and frustrating when every surface is full of random junk I don’t know what to do with. I’m often overwhelmed with this house.
He does not ever help with meal prep and I’ve pulled back from that some because it became a source of contingency due to his children’s complaining. He refuses to learn how to cook anything so his kids almost always eat microwaveable dinners or takeout. I hate it but who wants to plan meals, do the shopping and cook after work just to have the kids complain about it?
We both work full time and share household expenses equally. I have the privilege of working from home some days but on the days I go to the office, my commute is twice what it was and more difficult than it was before I moved in his house. He feels since he commutes daily and has children some days, I should assume most housework. It starts a fight when I bring it up and he even used the excuse of him handling all yard work in the summer, which he does do to a passable degree. He also takes the trash out daily but I gather it up out of the bathrooms. I also clean up the yard after our three dogs as well as walk them all daily and handle any other pet care. He handles his own laundry and the kids laundry.
I will add that this often kills my desire as laziness is a huge turn off. When it starts getting late and the dishes are still piled up in the sink because I hadn’t had a chance to get to them, it pisses me off to see him still parked on the couch. The last thing I want at that point is to be affectionate with him. I got tired of trying to talk about things that bother me because nothing comes from it but an argument.
I can’t say your wife has a raw deal.