Be me
Femanon
Just under 5 years ago
At a family funeral
Grandpa's friend died
Noshithewas94yearsold
Barely knew him
Barely knew my extended family
This funeral looks like it's going to be fucking boring
Nothing going on here
Then I see him
A vision in a black suit
Dudes that are mourning are hot
So handsome
I push my way through the mourning crowd to try and get closer to him
Oh my god he is so handsome
Learn his name is Anon
Learn that Anon was real close to the deceased
Sosad.mp3
Funeral ends before I can get those digits
How can I possibly meet Anon again?
Hatchplan
My grandpa was 94 he's got a foot in the grave anyway
Look online for ideas on how to get back my sweet Anon
So handsome
Hatch a plan
Realize that it's fucking 2020 I don't have to kill anyone I can just find Anon on Facebook
Facebook literally saves grandpas life
Ok so on Facebook
Find Anon's Facebook page
Married
Wonder why she wasn't at the funeral?
Thiswon'tdo.jpg
Find his wife
I don't think she's any prettier than I am
Maybe that's why I didn't notice her?
But it doesn't matter
Find where she works
Watch her for a few days
I'mcomingAnon
Wait until she is alone
Then it occurs to me
I don't have to kill her either
I can just use Facebook to manipulate them into getting a divorce
O-M-G thank god for Facebook
Start chatting with Anon
Start chatting with his wife
Takes maybe a week before I can see PUBLIC POSTS that the wife makes that the marriage is getting dissolved
Wow that didn't take much
This was much easier than killing anyone
Anon changes their status to "It's Complicated"
I offer a shoulder to cry on
He takes me up on it
What? This was too easy. I'm not sure I'm interested in this guy anymore.
He begs me to come over
Well OK if you're going to beg
Show up at his place
Thewife.jpeg
She stabs me 47 times
Feel the knife plunge for most of them
Before the world goes dark
Feel as though I'm floating through a void
Darkness for as far as I can see
Days seem to pass
I'm growing larger
The void is growing smaller
I kick at the walls when the tomb becomes too small to even hold my form anymore
Make a hole
Carefully crawl out
Stretch my beautiful wings to the sun
Turns out the whole time
I was a butterfly
Who only dreamed she was a violent psychopath who thinks you should be careful who you meet on Facebook