Gotten used to creepin' around in these threads here lately, but now I have something to share. Sorry for the length in advance, folks...

A girl. Of course it's a girl. Always a damn girl.

So she works in one office with me, I'd say one step below me on a career ladder. And she's pretty, you know, not a crazy beauty, but, like, alright. Good. Kind. Sociable, immediately gets on good terms with everyone. And I'm on the opposite end of those: wouldn't say asocial, but not good with people, don't talk to anyone much, moody type.

I never had anything serious with any girl before. Well, at least I have a shitty excuse (my folks thought I'm sort'a genius, I went to Uni at 14, royally fucked up, skipped a year, fucked up again, got almost kicked out, got depressed, shut down all friends I had back then and it just went from there...) Anyway, managed to slowly get life in order in the last couple years. Have a job, plan oging back to Uni, for real this time. Went to a couple dates over the years, but never got too interested.

Anyway, the girl. So Dunkirk is out. And I want to go, but it's kinda lame to go alone, and a thought pops out - why not ask her. I get all nervous and shaky, but whatever. She's nice, I'm not to concerned is she says no. I ask and she says yeah, sure. We go. And it goes damn great: we talk (which is rare for me to begin with), have a lot in common, and she's awesome: independent, strong, calm and already somewhat wise. She's way cooler than I first though. So I get more nervous. The week following our date I walk her from work to the train station every day, my idiot mind telling me: "keep working!" Next weekend, she almost bails (has 2nd work on weekends), but I talk her into a late dinner and a walk after. And again it goes great, and I even get an awkward kiss after politely asking her like a true gent.

And that's when I get too nervous not to fuck up, and, of-fucking-course, fuck up. Next weekend she went away with friends, couldn't meet, and I got all mad about it, demanded we make our relationship clear. She excused herself for a couple weekends thereafter, and then (last Monday, it is) finally talked to me about "not being ready for a relationship, let's be friends". The dreaded line. Guess I just got to pushy, too over-bearing, and she bailed.

And now here I am feeling like a prime piece of shit. Had a chance and blew it. No idea what to think... I figure she wouldn't go on two dates with me and let me kiss her if she wasn't interested. But then I pushed too hard and was too nervous that I'll blow it... and actually blew it, the madman. What bothers me is that all this time, only I was the one to show initiative. Texting, going smwhre.

Now we're on this weird polite "hello, thank you" basis in the office, and it's driving me mad. Haven't talked outside. I'm not 15 yo kid to think this is eternal love or some shit, but I just can't get her out of my head, and it's been almost two months now.

I don't know, lads. Need this job till next May. But every time I look at her I think "how the hell did I fuck this up"... Well, Poole lost to Leicester this week, so at least I'm not the only one.

..

Holy fuck so many words. I need an "Idiot Savant" perk from Fallout irl