Holy fuck, 4 years sober? That’s insane. How did you do that?

Not completely sober. I still drink, but having worked with alcoholics for a living it's realizing that 100% sobriety can literally mean death for some people. The cold turkey model doesn't work for a lot of people and that's generally what keeps that cycle going, and I don't know if I'd have had it in me to go cold turkey. There's a difference though between picking up a 26er of whiskey on my way home every night and chugging it on my girlfriend's couch until we go to bed - and just having a beer or two in the fridge and grabbing one for a walk in the forest every once in a while.

At this point I don't think I'd have remotely the tolerance for hard alcohol even if I went back to those old habits.

Yeah that’s exactly how I felt when I was a year sober from alcohol before. I didn’t feel like a good person, but it did give me self awareness. It sucks realizing being sober doesn’t fix everything, it just gives you the chance to be better.

Funny enough, I with a girl at the time (we finally broke up for good a couple of years ago) that I'm kind of realizing didn't go out of her way to discourage some of my worst habits. A friend of hers that I did not get along with for a long time is the girl I'm seeing now, and I have to say we're much better for each other. I've never been one to pin all of my shortcomings on other people, but it's strange how being in that kind of state alters your perception of people so drastically.

I could barely hang out with her friends without the two of us trading barbs at each other and now that my ex is firmly in the rearview for the both of us, I'm actually really fucking happy with her.