Why do bonfires reset enemies?
They run out quickly when you're blinded by the fire, like when stage crew swaps out the set.
What lights bonfires?
What muscles are used to swing a sword?
The sphincter of course.
Why do you kick?
To show off your sexy legs.
Why does O rolls?
O shit gotta bail outta here!
Why does holding O make the character run?
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO like they're screaming
Why does X make a character pick stuff up?
X marks the spot
Why does X make people talk to you?
X = kiss, so they don't want to be rude by ignoring you afterward
When will my daddy come back?
What makes estus?
It's firekeeper piss.
How does estus heal you?
The piss STDs regenerate your hollow degenerate flesh.
How can we move when hollow?
You can't, that's why miyazakeroni removed hollowing from dark souls 3.
Why don't weapons break?
They do.
Why do weapons break?
They don't.
Why is there fall damage?
cat ring bitch
Why are there more than 1 armor sets?
There is only one armor set
Why do we have health?
to give the life ring purpose
Why do enemies have health?
What enemies are you fighting?
Why do bosses have a lot of health?
Fair and Balanced
What are souls?
What aren't souls?
Why do enemies have more than 1 soul?
They killed a bunch of scrubs like you.
Why do hollows have 1 souls?
They're not gud enough to kill scrubs.
Why do bosses have random amounts of souls?
They pick up the random amounts of souls that you drop when they kill you.
How do parries work?
Your opponent is so stunned that you tried to bitch slap their giant slab of stone that they surrender.
Why are parries so slow?
It takes a moment for their mind to register that you just tried to do something so incredibly stupid.
What makes the Hornet Ring parry faster and stronger?
You actually throw bees in their eyes, and the confusion of why you threw bees when it's clearly named the hornet ring staggers them.
Why does a ring increase weight/poise?
The ring is made of compacted shit so it's very dense/heavy.
How does a ring increase arrow range?
Heavier shit = Heavier Arrows = fly farther
Why does a ring give dex fags more counter damage?
It's so shiny it distracts you and they kick you in the balls, the honorless heretics.
Come come when I FAP white stuff comes out?
Those are souls.
Why does FAP gives health, endurance, stamina. Everything you need.
You know why.
Why does the Life Ring increase life?
To give HP purpose.
Will the Life Ring increase DS3's lifespan from 1 to 1.3?
DS3 had a lifespan?
Probably not
This isn't a question.
How does a ring give me more strength?
it's so heavy you get stronk trying to lift it
Why does a ring give more dex?
it's made of gay
How did Solaire and Siegmeyer get into Anor Londo before you?
They have the debug executable.
Why is DS2 the worst souls game?
It's unfinished garbage.
Why is DS1 the worst souls game?
It's half-unfinished garbage.
Why is Bloodborne the worst souls game?
It's not Slashy Souls.
Why is Slashy Souls the best souls game?
Shut up and buy the Season Pass!
Why does square use an item?
Because square made final fantasy which is all about items.
Why does Triangle two hand your right hand weapon?
no it uses a blood vial
Why does holding down Triangle two hand your left hand weapon?
so you can shield turtle for days
Why does two handing half the strength requirement (i don't fucking remember if it was half) but not dex?
str + str = more str
dex + dex = still a fag
Why does R1 do a light attack?
to piss you off
Why do R1s combo?
Combos? in Souls? Don't make me laugh.
Why does R2 use a heavy attack?
because it's 2stronk4u
Why do R2s not combo?
Because finishing movesets is hard
Why do R2's combo?
Because you're playing Bloodborne.
Why is L1 block?
only faget casuls block
When two handing, why is L2 block?
lern2roll
How can a fucking katana parry?
Same as parrying with your bare penis.
How does the Chaos Blade do damage to yourself?
Because you cut yourself on that edge
Where the fuck does the lightning come from in your attacks?
gwyn's asshole
How can a weapon be hollow?
remove the insides
How can a weapon use fire as a damage source?
it's made of wood
How does magic work?
it's powered by the tears of one-shotted casuls
What's the significance of opening doors?
When will Lukecis just fuck right off a cliff?
When time stops being convoluted.