Beep boop- mountain of text story time kiddies. I embarrassed the shit out of myself at my favorite bar last night.
Was out with two friends and one friend's gf. I am usually pretty happy and laidback when drunk. We were playing bar dice for drinks and I never bought a round! But I was also pretty fucked up. The cute bartender took my keys and she usually lets me drive home all fucked up so I was like at a new level of fucked up-ness. Friend's new gf asks why I am single. "You're a cute guy. Why aren't you dating anybody?" That was a mistake she regretted, I'm sure. This started two hours (literally two hours) of me yelling drunk-like all my usual shit I post here about hating myself because I feel/am broken, fat, uggo and unlovable. Then I talked about my crazy ex and the whole shit with the police. One friend told me to shut up about that, so instead I started talking about the girl I've been on five dates with so far from OKC and what I like and don't like about it/her.
But then this turned back into mostly me shouting to the whole bar about my issue where I am attracted to fucked up girls who need a dude to save them and so dating a regular girl again is weird. Then my friend's gf facebook friended me on her phone and we talked about my pictures. She says all my pictures are shit and barely look like me. This started more drunk "Imma fat uggo" talk. At least I was drunk, yelling and bombastic about it instead of crying.
I went to use the bathroom and this older bald guy stopped me in the bathrooom and said he was listening to me all night. He said I have to love myself before anybody can love me. I said I knew that and I was working on all my shit. He said it didn't sound like I was working on it very well. He said I was a decent looking tall kid and I probably could have a girl if I didn't act like such a dumb fuck. I said I felt fat and uggo and I was dieting and exercising. He said "Well I just watched you drink about 10 Blue Moons, how's that diet going?" He proceeded to tell me that he had been in a lot of bars in his life and he could tell I was using alcohol to cover shit up on the inside and that will just lead to me making things more fucked up. I was kind of embarrassed af and didn't say much and he was like "look I'm not trying to lecture you, I just want to help you figure shit out 10 years before I did. I don't think you're a bad kid." I told him I appreciated that. I said I was just embarrassed and didn't know what to say but appreciate he was trying to help me out and I would take his advice to heart. We shook hands and I said Merry Christmas and he said he was Jewish so I felt even dumber and said "Oh, happy holidays then."
I come out of the bathroom and see this cute blonde girl who was within my league talking to one of my friends on the end of the bar. All I overhear walking past them back to my bar stool is friend saying to her "he's really an awesome guy he's just really fucked up tonight." Good guy friend trying to be a wingman for the Titanic.
So my friends ordered pizza and tried to make me eat some. I said I wasn't hungry and the cute bartender said "Shut up and eat the pizza." The whole bar cheered and laughed and this is when I realized I was shouting and the whole bar heard my drunken bullshit all night. Just about died of embarrassment. Pretty much stayed quiet and drank water until the cute bartender gave me my keys back. I gave her a huge tip because I turned her bar into the KevinCelantro talk therapy session.
Anyway, probably going to dry out on the alcohol for a few days/weeks. Got in an hour of weight training and an hour of cardio to burn off the 12 beers I drank last night and pizza this AM. Probably will do some more a little later after I see the fam for a bit.
TLDR: I got drunk and while I usually am happy go lucky when drunk, somebody asked me why I'm single and it started a barrage of shit I yelled to the whole bar for two hours.