my boyfriend and I went to see bright eyes on Wednesday. great concert! we ran into a couple friends but it wasn't exactly the right time/place to do a full meet and greet. I don't know if I should create that time and place. maybe have a little get-together at my house at the end of our vacation in a couple weeks. I love him and I want everyone to meet him.

I've been talking more with my ex. it's kind of thrown a wrench in things. in me. I love my boyfriend. but.

on the theme of "one who got away," I really miss my ex. I know it's so stupid to think about what it could have been. what it could be now or what. What. everything I loved is still there. it's just never a good time for us. but here we are.

I sort of tested the waters with the boyfriend on the topic of open relationships this weekend. I didn't get a big reaction but that's not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. it wasn't a no but it definitely wasn't a yes. I know my okcupid profile said open to either mono or nonmono (which I really am) but I don't know if he read that or ever gave it a second thought. I think I asked him what he thought about threesomes once and he was like "I've never thought about it" and said he didn't entertain stuff like that because it was never going to be a situation he'd find himself in. interestingly, he didn't ask my opinions/experiences/feelings about it.

mono or not, I don't even want to "see other people." it's just this one man who i want back in my life. but I know nonmonogamy isn't an option for my ex anyway so I don't really see a reason to upset things just to try to do something that didn't work last time.

both ways, I feel like a turd