It was my first year of college. I was dating someone at the time; it was a very abusive relationship it but I couldn't see it for what it was. This other guy was super sweet to me, we always had fun hanging out even if it was just me stealing his gumballs and watching him play TF2. I was a complete asshole though, because I would talk to him then I would stop once my boyfriend started to be nice to me (mostly to draw me back in). I wanted to be able to be friends with him at least, but I knew back then I couldn't lead him on - on top of the fact my boyfriend hated him and I wasn't allowed to be near the guy.
Near the end of the year my boyfriend broke up with me so I started hanging out with this guy more. He told me he would like to date me the following year (since summer would be a long distance thing and he wasn't into that). I felt really good around him but I held back because I was still a bitch and wanted the ex. I also had my doubts about this guy because he hit on basically any female and was just sending out vibes at times that made me feel like he wouldn't be good for a relationship long term.
After a month of summer my ex and I had tried to work on things but he finally gave up. I was angry and couldn't handle all my emotions so I blamed this guy who I felt was the cause of my relationship ending and me feeling shitty (because I cared deeply for him even if I didn't admit it). I wrote him a horrible message and cut off contact. It was instant regret. I knew the whole time that he was wonderful, that he could make me happy even if it was a short relationship. He was smart, handsome, clever... I regretted not breaking up with my boyfriend at the beginning. I regretted not doing anything in my power to be with this guy. I had made many mistakes, though. In the end, after this nasty message, I figured it would just be better to let him live his life and meet someone who wasn't a bitch, who didn't have the baggage I still carry. I was a complete mess because of my past relationship and I didn't want to make everything worse for him because I had already treated him so poorly.
Months later he's coming back to school from living away, working at a growing start up. Our paths cross and I feel like a fucking schoolgirl with a crush on the popular kid. He's so handsome, he's still super nice to me after everything, and I felt so instantly drawn in. I didn't want to drop him off. I just wanted to be around him. I couldn't stop blushing and I couldn't speak without getting flustered. He was only in town for a week. But we met up at a mutual friends one night. Our friend kept telling me to go sit with him so I did. We end up laying next to each other in our own world, making out and talking. I was on cloud nine the rest of the night. We connected and he told me he forgave me.
He still didn't want a long distance relationship and that was okay with me for awhile. But I was very much in love with him after only talking again for a few weeks. We met up in Toronto for a small vacation. It was a lot of fun. He told me he loved me. I can not explain the happiness - and I don't think I've ever been so happy. We still didn't date because of the distance, but our relationship and how we acted was as if we were. Around Christmas it was made more official.
Now I live with him. I love him more each day and I don't know how that's possible because I think I can legitimately die from the amount of feels. I wake up with him and I smile and cuddle him. We never argue, and if one of us gets upset with the other we work it out. It's a really wonderful relationship and I can't imagine ever being alone. I think a lot about how I treated him and rejected him, and I get really upset and hate myself. But then he comes home from work and we cuddle and I make him dinner and it feels right. So in the end it's okay because I try to make up for my mistake every day. I know sometimes it still gets to him. I just try to make my mistake better now, and apologize in any way.
Rejection hurts. People make really stupid mistakes. Sometimes you do regret saying no to someone, but you have to realize in the end if they want happiness they'll find it. They won't stay hung up on you forever so you shouldn't stay hung up on them. That's what I had hoped for, for this guy. It just worked out for us though. I know he would be happy with another person at another point. But that doesn't matter because he's happy with me. I'm happy with him. And insanely in love with the guy too. :)