Ok question. Coupled with my own tale I suppose.

When I was very young, I felt terrified when my parents fought, which they did regularly.

Terrified to the point where I strategized exit plans, hop on the desk, open the window, drop down & run! I had dreams of escaping tsunamis on an ironing board, taking only! my pets dogs & whatever other animals we found along the way. I had 'escape from nazis' dreams!

It affected me later in life, way after I at 9 years made the 'decision' to no longer be a pawn in their weirdness, and 'choose' to raise myself.

I married a man I never should have, as I was pregnant with his child. Our child in wonderful:)

While my child's father has grown into a wonderfully upstanding, done good!, type of dad, once upon a time he wasn't so much.

I would know before he came home that it was going to be 'one of those nights'. I was the mother of a baby. I knew I would do anything to protect him.

Point is, I think I was hypersensitive to ..IDK..something. I would get that scared, shaky feeling, and know I would need to run with my baby to the neighbor's home soon. I just knew.

So after all that, and ty all, it felt good to vent, I have a question for you.

Were you also terrified by the arguments as a very young child? It sounds as if that may be true.

I'm sorry you are upset. Guess I just ranted me self:)

Just I wasted so much time without support. I made so many decisions without anyone's input, I think I want to suggest you maybe seek some input from somewhere re the job/living situation?

I had it some as a little one, I came so late in my parents lives. My older siblings, whom had been my protectors sort of, naturally went off to do their own thing; somehow I was expected to know & understand how things were done in the rw, without any input at all.

Find some input and try to educate yourself on all the stuff no one ever explained to you, about how things work.

Really sorry for my own lil rant here, just been a long and very interesting day:))