Happily married people of reddit, when did you realize your marriage was awesome and what makes it awesome?

I'll be the first to jump in and say that my marriage never falls into the categories, "Happily" or "Unhappily".

My husband is quite a few years my junior. What strapping young man can resist a cougar, right? He forgets birthdays and anniversaries and every special event. I'm convinced that the Men In Black erase his memory daily. He makes jokes at my expense to feel cool in social situations. He doesn't believe in buying gifts, compliments, or physical affection. He is a homebody, and it has been months since we've been on a date. He is still friends with his exes on Facebook. He would rather live in a sexless marriage than suffer through reciprocating oral sex. He is obsessed with his job, which requires long hours and extensive travel, and spends every remaining free moment pursuing his hobbies, which directly relate to his job. He is entirely apathetic about my thoughts or emotions.

I understand these things about him, and realize that they're all opposite sides of the same coin.

He's independent and passionate about what interests him. He is ultra-logical and rational. He is patient and calm. The most drama-free human being I have ever known. We live our entire life in a zen-like state of self-reliance. He likes to call it, "Living our separate lives, but together."

I struggled with it a lot in the beginning. The deeply philosophical and tender side of me wanted someone to engage me, someone to fight with me, someone to lift me up. Someone to listen to my stories and laugh and my ridiculous jokes. I've compared our relationship to roommates. I've said that I feel like a cleaning lady that gives blowjobs. I've wrestled with my own expectations of marriage and love.

The relationship has evolved enough that I realize he balances me. I'm wacky, and have no sense of self-awareness. I'm fickle and hot-tempered. It is the epitome of Yin and Yang.

Are there times when I wish I could light a fire in him, and make him want to drag me to bed? Absolutely. Do I wish that he didn't give me a gift card to Home Depot for Christmas? Of Course.

But I'll take that over being lied to, cheated on, or abused any day of the week.

/r/AskReddit Thread