Subhanallah sister I read your post. You breaking up with him was a gift from Allah (SWT). He has given you a second chance! I was once like you, a moderate Muslim but didn't pray my Salah etc. My enlightening moment was going through depression and realising the true meaning of the absence of Islam = depression. Irrelevant perhaps but maybe this is your turning point.

You mentioned in a previous post at first you felt guilt for the sin and then it disappeared. Well, just like a PMO addiction ..the initial time you relapse and "o" you feel guilt but it then subsides. Shaytan makes you think "it wasn't that bad" "it felt good" "he loved you" "you love him" "I bet it would feel good" but alas. They are mind tricks! I am Alhamdulilah 44 days clean from PMO ..and when I first started I didn't want to start. I wanted to revel in the pleasure and not feel guilt. But guilt is from Allah (SWT). It's a sign your heart is being opened. I understand perhap Salah is scary and difficult at beginning. But sister only pray fardh of one prayer, say Zuhr? Or Asr. Then build it daily inshallah. You can only feel the peace and love and wholeness through Salah once you try.

Also I understand you miss him. But like a lot of people who initially miss porography ..you miss the serotonin released and endorphins which made you happy. Full stop. This man did not treat you with respect, with honour nor do I imagine he truly truly appreciated you. You have to hate the sin..repeat this. It was all lies, you need to grieve this and move on. It was haram, if he truly loves you he would've aaked