Hello, throw away here. I have another account with my real streak which is around 9 days. Sadly this has been my longest streak in quite a while. My longest ever was about 20 days which was years ago. I had recently gotten into a more extreme version of porn a few weeks before hand (being vague to avoid triggers for people) and I was scared as to where it could take me. At first it made me nauseous to watch but I quickly began watching it exclusively and was attracted to it. I spent years on "vanilla" porn that was quite average and tame compared to the stuff out there. My main goal this ramadan was simply no fapping of any kind. This was my main focus along with finishing the Quran, complete the 5 daily prayers every day etc.

I have masturbated with porn for a long time, possibly started in middle school but am now in Uni. I have never completed a full ramadan without fapping and I know that if I do give in, I'll do it many more times this month. I need to complete my first ramadan. The guilt, feeling I don't being with the other people fasting this month and knowing that I have to wait another year for another chance is something I don't want to experience. I've stayed strong but the urges are beginning to grow. Is this what my whole life is going to be like? Would a wife even help cause it seems I'm actively trying to avoid porn here which seems to be the main draw. I want to watch it. Really confirms it's a porn addiction cause I don't think masturbating without it would satisfy me.

If I complete a full ramadan (in other words 30 days of nofap)...that would be HUGE accomplishment since I've never went that long without it. But at the end of the day, it's only 30 days. The rest of my life is my goal and I'm terrified it's unattainable.

I've taken the advice of people to go outside more but it's only made the urges grow with all the women outside in the summer with skimpy clothes. I've done well staying inside so far and only going out for the mosque so I guess I'll stick with that.