I am actually from Southern Spain and this was my mother's experience growing up. Her and her siblings got beat up pretty much about anything, she also tells me that the neighbors were always having fights and the husbands would beat their wives up while her and her friends gathered to watch... my mom told me she once said she wanted to kill herself to her mom and she got beat up... It's all pretty brutal, but that's how it was at the time.

As for expressing affection, these people didn't have the emotional education or time to be saying "I love you". My grandma would prove that by giving you food or money sometimes (like Lenu's mom gives her the silver bracelet). Even my mom and aunts are not super affectionate, it's not something that was done or taught, they just didn't know how. Affection is shown in other ways (kids also weren't really had by choice since there was no contraception). Also consider that they were coming out from WWII... they talk a lot about that in the books and it gives a better context about the situation.

As for Lila, I actually find her a lot more unlikable in the series than in the book. In the books she's sort of this magnetic persona that can do anything she sets her mind to, and can't be dominated - in a way she makes everyone around her feel special when she is being smart or kind, which is what fascinates all of them (including Lenu).