Firing someone.

I’m in management (healthcare; with people who are professionals within a field they are building a career). I hate firing people. Hate it. It is always a last resort and always with what I consider clear cause; but, with exceedingly rare exception, their performance issues are not a reflection of actual malice. They are good people who sincerely wanted to do well but couldn’t meet core job expectations or had a serious lapse in judgement.

Some of them had put years into the job. Those are the hardest by far. Some of them will face a period of financial hardship until they can find another job. Some (maybe even ‘most’) will find new jobs quickly; some will struggle but come out fine; a select few may find it life changing.

I know it is not about me and my feelings. I never complain to anyone at work about it (only anonymously on Reddit, apparently) or make it about me there. When I am doing it, I am profesional and direct. I rarely get outwardly emotional at work, and certainly not then. I don’t apologize for the decision; I keep my explanations concise.

But I think about it after. A lot. Probably more than I should. It is not that I feel regret for my decision, but I do feel sorry for the outcome. I sometimes feel nauseous. I sometimes have trouble sleeping.

I see that Elon fires people via tweet. I know some people don’t think twice about it. I am familiar with Jack Welch and his advocacy for dispassionate assessment and the benefits of targeted turnover. That’s not me. I am not dispassionate. I am not a tough guy. I feel it every time. And I hate it.