How have your needs / future ideals changed as you've entered and left relationships where you thought you'd met someone with whom you could build a lifelong or relatively permanent relationship?

Screw it, I'll go all out with this one:

I'd say I'm pretty broken after my last serious relationship (this is someone I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with) and that was 4 years ago. I became seriously ill near the end of my relationship and my entire life that I built up came crashing down in front me and it became way too much for her. Unfortunately I was not diagnosed at this point and generally just seemed like a depressed, anxious, lazy, sweaty rage filled prick that screwed himself up. Turned out to be Graves Disease (and here's the list of symptoms I've had to deal with) and I was diagnosed after it was all too late. Especially for men, you don't seem sick for years even though inside you have no idea what's going on but you get used to it until it gets really bad and even then it's usually misdiagnosed till it becomes pretty apparent with some of the key symptoms.

Before, I always looked for someone (as a vague concept) that I could party with but also someone who enjoyed binging on series in bed all weekend and never getting dressed. Someone who was intelligent, social and can be both active and lazy at the appropriate times. I guess my main pre-requisite now is understanding of my situation due to what I've been through (while my 'life CV' since is pretty good on the most part considering the events I've dealt with, it's not exactly traditional at this point which immediately puts people off) but it's pretty unhealthy to date someone just because they sympathise but I can't for the life of me figure out what else I want any more and actually I'm okay with this. I know that when I meet the right person, I will know.

I've been pretty open in testing the waters with people from all walks of life since but it's not really helped narrow it down for me. For example, I still go out and party and would love to find someone to go out with but all the hugely outgoing women I've dated so far are too outgoing for me now and the ones who appreciate a quiet evening in don't want to go out very much. That's not to say women in between don't exist at all but I haven't come across someone yet that is single and interested in me but it's also hard to find someone at my age that is willing to understand that I come with some baggage. I would never expect them to carry the baggage for me but someone who can accept that I'm going to be a little slower at times as I'm weighed down a bit. I know I will find someone one day as I consider myself to be a decent guy who has a lot to offer and I'm not in any huge rush either to go into a long term relationship but it's frustrating to feel sidelined sometimes because of my past that haunts me in the present.

What I would say for a question that everyone should ask themselves when getting into a long term relationship is this:

When the shit hits the fan, would you be willing to stand beside them throughout? It's okay to say no, nobody is perfect or superhuman but it's an important question to consider if this is going to be the person you want to live the rest of your days with.

/r/OkCupid Thread