Closeted, 40s, sucks. Ask me how I know. I should have a T-shirt made.

Not many wives would be or are into having their husbands transition into their wives. Some are, but they seem to be younger ...

You're wife isn't going to say to you one day, "Hey, I remember when work was real stressful and you wanted to transition - that sounds like a fantastic idea now!" It's not going to happen.

You want her to accept you and I understand that on a visceral level, I grok that. But, it appears unlikely.

What you're going through has to be daily torture, fighting against yourself - and the smart money says it's a battle you cannot win. How can you defeat yourself for any length of time?

You're not crazy, you might be trans - and you don't want to lose your wife.

So Megan the question is, Can you find a way to live with this struggle for the rest of your life? Will your desires sublimate into things like depression, alcohol abuse, stress, high blood pressure?

Nobody want to lose, but it's sadly a common feature of trans narratives. I'd like to think what's lost is made up by the gains.

There's nothing wrong in your decision; it's your life to live. Plenty of people put off or decline to transition even though it's what they want, what they need more than anything else on Earth.

Wishes aren't going to help you; wish in one hand and shit in the other - see which one fills up first.

I've found therapy to be surprisingly useful and suggest you find an experienced and well-reviewed gender therapist and commit to at least 5 sessions. It's incredible to be able to talk openly talk with someone that can provide insight and objective opinions.

Please try therapy.

Joy and Change,

Alyssa