You have tinnitus in your left ear. You constantly feel as though there's a small pebble in your shoe although there's nothing there. Your right nostril constantly drips. Every time you put your underwear on it's backwards. One cuff button falls off of your shirt halfway through the day. Your shoes never stay tied. Meeting a new person causes you to sneeze, repeatedly. The windshield wipers on your car clear all of the windshield perfectly except for a blue smear at eye level on the driver's side. One battery in every remote in your home dies after 24 hours. Every third call on your cellphone is diverted to an innocent person in Cincinnati. Every time you receive an important, time-sensitive, piece of mail it will arrive 2 days late. New purchases will fail on the 32nd day of the 30 day warranty period. Your stove has no intermediate temperatures between "warm" and "incinerate." There is no satisfactory temperature setting on your shower. Your pillow smells like used socks. Stoplights are always red when you approach them. Whenever you shop there will always be two people talking to each other on opposite sides of the aisle you want. Everyone chews with their mouths open around you. No one uses turn signals. You are always $0.25 short at tollbooths. The time on the clock on your microwave returns to 00:00 every time you close the door. There is a dead pixel on your TV screen, right in the center. The right earbud on your iPod will not stay in your ear, ever. Tylenol gives you a headache. Closing your eyes to sleep at night causes your brain to go into overdrive. Your coffee never tastes right. People ask you questions but then walk away as you begin to answer. All of your passwords are one digit off. When it rains there will always be a leak in one shoe. As a corollary, your left sock always feels wet.Every raise you get will be accompanied by a commensurate increase in your health care cost. Your printer will always run out of yellow ink before an important print job.