You can see, but not really. You can feel, but not enough.

I like to pretend I am under the curse of the Aztec gold.

BARBOSSA -- but neither are we dead! We have all the desires of the living, but cannot satisfy them! Ten years I have parched of thirst, and unable to quench it! Ten years, I have been starving to death -- and haven't died! (raises his hand) And I have not felt anything for ten years ... Not the wind on my face, nor the spray of the sea ... (reaches toward Elizabeth) ... nor the flesh of a woman ... Elizabeth flinches away from the skeletal hand.

It's the pretend you're a pirate cope...

I don't know...I've had it 24/7 for around five years and have not lost complete hope of it relinquishing me at some point. I know I'm not technically stuck like this. I pretty sure you're not either. I think I can now even identify the thoughts of mine that are perpetuating my dissociation as I've gotten to know myself better. They're obsessive thoughts that make me fearful all of the time. A lot are existential in nature, and you pointed out that you have existential thoughts as well.

I'm sorry I don't have much of a conclusion or advice. Best wishes.