Used to play PC games with a group of people. Always had a minimum of at least one other person to play with. Enjoyed many different genres of games with these people; Even ones I wouldn't normally care for since everyone else was having fun. Knew these people for over a decade, we would all buy games together or if someone couldn't afford it and a holiday/birthday was coming up we would surprise them with their own copy so they could join us.

Real life stuff got in the way and affected my relationship with them. I've been away from this group for a couple years now. I try to go back to games I know I've enjoyed before but it's not the same. Whenever I play competitive modes I get rolled over by groups of friends like I had. I still have residual excitement when I find a game I think my old group would like and it takes me awhile to shake off the memories. I'll join queues and matchmaking services but it's never even similar.

Singleplayer: Why am I doing this? I want to talk to people.

Multiplayer: Why am I doing this? These people are toxic.

Programming can be soothing, it feels good to make something you or others might find useful but I get "writer's block" and often don't feel like writing code every day or consistently. Whenever I do code it's in spurts that last anywhere from 2 to 8 hours straight. It's the only real hobby I have, I thought I was passionate about it; But I think if you're really passionate about something it should be easier to persist with it right? If there is something else out there for me I have no idea what it could be. Not many things are as satisfying. I wish I could enjoy things again.