I see so much of myself in this.

I would only go to the restroom when absolutely necessary, and this meant that I would, more often than not, hold it in for the entire school day, which, I must say, was not a pleasant experience, to say the least (it certainly didn’t do my bladder and kidneys any favours). It was simply distressing to use the toilet in the boy’s room, and even in the confines of a stall I had quite some difficulty urinating. Sometimes I would be physically unable to, in which case I would eagerly give up and leave as quick as I could.

In order to avoid using the boy's restroom I would refuse to eat or drink throughout the day. I remember one day in 9th grade that I had to go particularly badly, so I went between classes and sat on a toilet in the stall. I sat there for over an hour trying to pee.

I'm a trans woman, also in Houston, and there are plenty of us here. If you can wait until you're 18 the montrose campus of Legacy Community Health offers hornones on an informed consent basis.

When I was 18 I started seeing a therapist with the goal of transitioning, but I gave up because of feeling hopeless. I lived the next 10 years depressed and suicidal, and it wasn't until I was 28 that I began transition. I had a plan, but I decided my wife and daughter deserved better than that. She accepted me 100%, and told me that she knew it was only a matter of time before this happened. You see, I confided in her that I identified as a woman within the first week we were dating. She didn't care. We've been married 8 years now, have a beautiful 2 year old daughter together, and for the first time in my life I can say that I'm truly happy.

You can find people who will truly love you for yourself, and if your family doesn't eventually come around you can make a new family. You think a man will never love you? You're a beautiful, intelligent girl, and while it's true that some men might have objections to dating a trans woman, there are many with no such compunctions.

I'm so sorry that you're going through such difficult times. Trust me, I understand, I've been there. But it get's better. I'm surrounded by supportive people, my mother, sister, wife, daughter (who only knows me as momma), coworkers. The world is not so hateful of us as you seem to think. Sure, there are terrible people out there, but there are so many more willing to accept you for who you are. Please hang in there.