Airplane!

OPEN: Theme from Jaws, plane busts out of clouds like Jaws... Voiceman: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone. Voiclady: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone. Voiceman: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone. Voiclady: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone. Zealot#1: Hello, we'd like you to have this flower from the religious consciousness church, would you care to make a donation? Elaine : No, thank you anyway. Voiceman: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the white zone. Voiclady: NO! The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading and there is no stopping in the red zone. Voiceman: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading there is never stopping in a white zone. Voiclady: Don't tell me which zone is for stopping and which zone is for loading. Voiceman: Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again! Zealot#2: Hello, we'd like you to have this flower from the religious consciousness church, would you like to make a donation? ????????: No thanks, we gave at the office. AT SECURITY GATE: Security: Would you put all of your metal objects into this dish please ( Man first removes all of his jewelry, etc. then his prosthetic arm and leg) Voiceman: There's just no stopping in a white zone. Voiclady: Oh really, Vernon, why pretend, we both know perfectly well what it is you're talking about. You want me to have an abortion. Voiceman: Its really the only sensible thing to do. If its done properly, therapeutically, there's no danger involved. Someguy : Taxi! Striker : I'll be back in a minute. ( sets cab's meter running) Zealot#3: Hello sir, we'd like you to have this flower on behalf of the church of Religious consciousness, would you caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarr... Worker#1: Hey, Larry, where's the forklift? ( To worker#2 who is busy guiding a plane into a hanger ) Worker#2: Forklift? Its over there by the baggage loader. ( Gestures the direction of baggage loader with guide sticks causing the plane to go that direction and to come crashing into the terminal) People : ( In terminal ) LOOK OUT!!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! (pandemonium). Striker : Elaine!!!!! Elaine : Ted! Striker : I came home early and found your note. I guess you meant for me to read it later. Elaine, I've got to to talk to you. Elaine : I just don't want to go over it anymore. Striker : I know things haven't been right for a long time, but... It'll be different. Like it was in the beginning. If you'll just be patient I can work things out. Elaine : I have been patient and I tried to help, but you wouldn't even let me do that. Striker : Don't you feel anything for me at all anymore? Elaine : It takes so many things to make love last. But, most of all, it takes respect, and I can't live with the man I don't respect. Striker : ( To camera ) What a PISSER! PA : Captain Oever, white courtesy phone. Captain Cla rence Oever, white courtesy phone. OEVER PICKS UP A RED PHONE. Operator: NO! THE WHITE PHONE. Oever : Oh! ( picks up white phone ) This is Captain Oever! Operator: One moment for your call from the Mayo Clinic. PA : Captain Oever, white courtesy phone. Captain Clarence Oever, white courtesy phone. Oever : I'VE GOT IT! PA : Thank you. Operator: Go ahead with your call. MayoDoct: Uh, this is Doctor Brody at the Mayo Clinic. There's a passenger on your Chicago flight 209er, a little girl named Lisa Davis, en route to Minneapolis. She's scheduled for a heart transplant, we'd like you to tell her mother we found a donor an hour ago. We have the heart here, ready for surgery. . . We must have the recipient on the operating table within 6 hours. I want you to make sure she's kept in a reclined position and that a continuous watch is kept on her IV. Also, its very important that she remain calm. . . Operator: EXCUSE ME, This is the operator Captain Oever, I have an emergency call on line 5 from a Mr. Hamm. Oever : Alright, Give me Hamm on 5, hold the Mayo. Striker : Look, you'll be back in town tomorrow night, we'll... have dinner. We'll talk things over. Elaine : I won't be back, I've requested the Atlanta run. Striker : Elaine, I promise, I can change. Elaine : Then why didn't you take the job that Louis Neds offered you at Boeing? Striker : You know I haven't been able to get near a plane since since the war. Even if I could, they wouldn't hire me because of my war record. Elaine : You're war record ??? You're the only one keeping that alive, for everyone else, its ancient history. Striker : You expect me to believe that? Elaine : Its the truth. What's hurt you the most is your record since the war. Different cities, different jobs and not one of them shows you can accept any real responsibility. Striker : Elaine, if you just give me one more . . . Elaine : Its too late, Ted. When I get back to Chicago, I'm going to start my life all over again. I'm sorry. Zealot#4: Excuse me, we'd like you to have this flower from the Church of Religious Conscious. . .PUNCH . . . EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Attendnt: Hi! Well, good evening. Oh, there you go. You just follow all the way back. Hello. Victor : Any word on that storm lifting over Salt Lake Clarence? Oever : No not likely, Victor. I just reviewed the area report for 1600 hours through 2400. Victor : Uh, huh ... Oever : There's a front stalled over the Dakotas, backed all the way to Utah. Victor : Yeah, well, if she decides to push over to the great lakes, it could get plenty slippery. Oever : Uh, huh. Victor : What about the southern route, around Tulsa? Oever : I double checked the terminal forecast and winds aloft and I had cloudy ceilings all the way. Victor : Where do they top out? Oever : Well . . . there's some light scattered cover to 20,000 icing around 15. . . Worker3 : Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. (falling off ladder from washing plane's windows) Victor : Boy looks like the original plan ought to be the best bet. Oever : Denver it is. Murdock : Sorry Clarence. Latest weather report shows everything is sopped in from Salt Lake to Lincoln. Oever : Oh, Hi Roger! Glad to have you aboard! Victor, this is Roger Murdock, Victor Basta. Victor : How do you do Roger? Murdock : Nice to meet you! Oever : Roger, I was telling Victor that I reviewed the area report for 1600 hours through 2400 there'sa front stalled over the Dakotas. . . Ticketer: There you go, thank you. Striker : Can you tell me if Elaine Dickenson is on this flight? Ticketer: Well, the whole flight crew has boarded. Let me see. Oh yes, she is on board. Striker : I'd like one ticket to Chicago. No baggage. ( Guy still waits in Taxi for Striker) Ticketer: Smoking or non-smoking. Striker : Smoking, please.