Do you still love her? Or have you just grown used to your life together? I only ask because I don't think you said you loved her once in your post. I saw you talk about delaying a dream vacation and not wanting to go without her. You talked about having a dog and seeing her as your wife, but you didn't say you love her. If you don't, then you have your answer.

Even if you do love her, that might not be enough. You can only go so long not being happy until you can't take it anymore.

Things seem to have come to a head during memorial day weekend. Since then you've been fighting a lot, but you two haven't resolved the question, will you break up. If you don't want to break up, then you need to tell her. You need to let her know that you're not done, but that this was a cry for help. There's some serious issues between you two and they need to be resolved or one day things will be over.

I've been the caretaker in a relationship with someone who is depressed. At this point you've gotta be feeling worn out. Do you have any outlets? Have you been taking care of yourself? Do you have anything to do to relieve stress? Have you considered going to therapy to talk about how her depression is affecting you? It could really help for you to have that outlet too.

Besides all that, I wonder why her and her dad were estranged. Especially without being out in so much of her life, could she be dealing with self hate over not being straight? You need to find out where she is at with self acceptance. Part of her might hate loving you. Part of her may wish she was straight so that life would be easier. Part of her, might resent you because she can't stop loving you. That'd be a big fear to me. She might be transferring a lot of negative emotions towards you and your relationship.

Is there a reason she's not out yet? Does she think her family won't accept her? Is she financially dependant on them so it's too big of a risk if they don't?

There's gotta be some issues involving not reconciling with her dad. If her family doesn't accept her, she may end up estranged from them and unable to ever reconcile with them. I really hope she's talking to her therapist about not being out to them.

Those issues around coming out are why I refuse to date someone who isn't out. They're dealing with way to much shit that can be transferred to me and our relationship. Besides, I don't want to be a secret. I want our love to be recognized. I want to feel like we're battling the homophobes of the world together.

Please understand, I really feel for your gf. I wasn't able to reconcile with my dad before he died. I got to talk to him on his death bed. His last request was that I promise to live a straight life, get married, and have kids. That hurt. it still hurts, but I've accepted that is who he was and the years lost were on him. Not on me.

It's just. She's gotta deal with those issues. She's gotta deal with not coming out to him before he died. She's gotta deal with being estranged when he died. She's gotta deal with not being out to her family, for good or ill. Until then, her life is about keeping secrets. It's about hedging thoughts and feelings. It's about not communicating. When she's not being truthful with the majority of people in her life, especially people she considers family, why would she ever be able to communicate with you? Things aren't gonna get better until she deals with those issues, and she might not be able to deal with them for years. She might not be ever able to deal with them. Are you willing to gamble the rest of your 20s, the rest of your life, on whether or not she ever deals with those issues when she hasn't been able to deal with them after 8 years with you?