Going to delete this later, need to get it out of my system now.

I spend a lot of time defending my wife...we're in a dead bedroom, but I certainly have responsibility for how we got there, and I don't blame her attitudes towards causing the dead bedroom, nor failing to address it.

However, she is a very, very, difficult person to deal with.

I've long suspected that she has some kind of personality disorder. Her own family has told me that they're somewhat surprised I haven't divorced her yet, and if I do get to that point I have their complete understanding. My mother - who stayed in her own bad marriage for the kids and is generally "all for the kids" - she does advise me to tough it out, but if I hit a breaking point she also 100% supports me leaving.

So then, why don't you?

I can't. Her family knows how difficult she is, but are in no position to help her out. My family can't help either. And then I'll be leaving the kids with her. She spends 70% of her day being angry and annoyed at them for behaving like kids. I'm able to reign her in. If I wasn't around they'd be 100% exposed to her awful moods, which would be augmented by her badmouthing me at every chance. I care less about my own image, but it fucking sucks to have one parent constantly badmouth the other to you. ...Speaking from experience there. The sexless relationship is one thing, but I told her over and over repeatedly whatever differences we may have in parenting styles, we should be a unified front as parents, and never badmouth each other. It's a promise she's never kept. It infuriates me. And then I have to come on here and defend myself from clueless assholes who call me the scumbag for sleeping with other women.

But I can't get angry because if I do, she uses that as fuel/justification. I can't be sad either. And no matter how happy I am, she'll try to find the one time when I'm not at 100% and pounce on it.

It's like having a cat that demand you pet it, but will scratch you viciously if you don't pet it exactly the way it wants you to. Like, it expects an interval of .005 seconds between each stroke, and the last interval was .0047 so here's a talon to the face.

So, leaving. That would be easy. But then I sacrifice the well being of my kids. That's too high a price and I'm not willing to take it. So, let me take the abuse. I take her abuse, I provide the balance. I cheat so it doesn't drive me insane, and I take the abuse of society who judges me to be an asshole for it. Most of the times I can handle it. But sometimes it weighs heavy on my shoulders.