I think you're right, and I am playing the victim, which is something I'd like to think I'm better than. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, and this is mine, and clearly I need to get better at handling it.

Schools here are different from when I was at home. I don't have access to a school counsellor or therapist here. Probably because tuition isn't paid here for school, so there are less resources for students.

I have been working incredibly hard on making new friends in between working a part-time job, classes, night language classes, and painting. I go to social events in the city, I host parties, I go to the class parties, and I go to gatherings for my hobbies. But everyone is at least 6-10 years older than I am. In my class, they are at least 3 years younger than me. It's really hard to find not only people in my age group, but people in the same life track as I am.

Our class parties are in our classroom. I was doing half-days at this point because I was so exhausted from the mono, so I would leave the food I made for the class party with the representatives before leaving. I did it because I still wanted to participate on some level, even though I was just so exhausted. I don't think people understood why I couldn't drink because of the language barrier (all students are from eastern europe/non-english speaking countries), even though I repeatedly told them why because apparently I "looked fine" even though my throat was so swollen I could barely swallow (and it stayed swollen for close to 4 months) and my spleen and liver were swollen.