Tired of fun, exciting exclusives?
Tired of multiplatform games arriving on time and fully functional?
Tired of your system working exactly as it should, all the time?
Introducing PC! The inconvenient, unrefined, slapdash gaming platform that’s an afterthought to developers, but the ONLY ONE that TRUE gamers pay any attention to WHATSOEVER!
Do you find console exclusives too extravagant and overstimulating? Well then PC might just be for you! We’ve got a MONOPOLY on glorified Flash games, mostly-shitty indie titles, barely functional alphas and greenlights, even board and card games that don’t need to be video games at all! Who cares about Infamous, Uncharted, Sunset Overdrive, Mario Kart, or hundreds of other great console exclusives new and old? We’ve got fucking KERBAL SPACE PROGRAM! No, it’s not a browser game, even though it totally could be. It’s actually JUST ONE of PC’s SMASH HIT exclusive games. Why play a game when you can just build rockets? GET PC!
Speaking of building, PC has it all! We have RTS games, so you can spend half your time building! Recent exclusive hit Beseige lets you build things, and nothing fucking else! We’ve got Cities: Skylines, Tropico, Civilization, Cities XL, and SimCity, just to name a FEW! You sure won’t be SimSleeping after playing these amazing games with their exciting, revolutionary, endlessly compelling ‘click on stuff’ gameplay!
Still awake? Don’t worry, we’ve got SPACE TRADING SIMULATORS UP IN THIS BITCH. Another PC genre exclusive, guaranteed to numb your senses! Let the Xbox, PlayStation and Nintendo users have their grand adventures and immersive storylines, we don’t need that shit. We’ve got HOT menu-browsing, resource-trading action. GET PC!
Had enough of playing mobile games on your mobile? GET FUCKING PC!
Hearthstone, Kingdom Rush, FTL, Surgeon Simulator, Legend of Grimrock, Papers Please, and lots MORE! Step back son, your mobile favorites just hit the BIG SCREEN.
- Card games! Because fuck cardboard.
- Board games! Because fuck thicker cardboard.
- Mindless, repetitive MOBAs and FPS arenas! Chase that dangling carrot FOREVER. You’ll never play another game again, because fuck games.
Who needs an iPad? Or a physical deck of cards? Or more than one game? GET PC!
That’s NOT ALL! Only PC provides you with MAXIMUM TIME to spend with loved ones, thanks to our late and/or broken multiplats! In fact, there’s a good chance that they’ll never be released at all! Only PC gives you FREE TIME TO THE MAX, to do what really matters…
-TWEAK graphics settings!
-Run BENCHMARKS!
-Take SCREENSHOTS!
-ARBITRARILY alter your hardware because you have nothing better to do!
-Be a TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLE on web forums everywhere!
Everyone knows developers are assholes. They expect people to enjoy the games they make, regardless of platform. PC is the ONLY PLACE where you can be free from developer OPPRESSION. Say FUCK YOU to Nintendo, Naughty Dog, Quantic Dream, NIS, Atlus, Sony London/Santa Monica/Japan, FunBits, Acquire, Housemarque, Idea Factory, Guerrilla Games, Nippon Ichi, Clap Hanz, Compile, Arc System Works, Headstrong Games, Ready At Dawn, Retro Studios, Rare, HAL Laborotory, Ignition, Sumo Digital, Platinum Games, From Software, Game Freak, Evolution Studios, Sucker Punch, Insomniac, and all the rest of those SMELLY console developers. Their games aren’t even on our platform, so we just IGNORE them! Free yourself from half the games market, only with PC! A true gamer only needs one platform, and you didn’t want to play those games anyway. Casual is the new HARDCORE!
That’s not all! Every PC includes a SMUG SENSE OF SUPERIORITY. Now you can be just as ignorant and disinterested as the average PC user!
- CAST OFF your interest in gaming!
- The only system you’ll EVER NEED, or at least the only one you’ll pay any attention!
- Focus on SPECS instead of games! Who needs games anyway? We have GRAPHICS!
- Intentionally IGNORE half the games market!
- WHINE and MOAN incessantly on forums everywhere!
- CONDESCEND to people who are far more open-minded and knowledgeable than you are!
- REACT to every attempt at legitimate games discussion by quoting resolution and FPS!
Still not all! Owned a PC before? EASY transfer means EFFORTLESS migration for existing PC users. PC runs Counter-Strike, Dota, Hearthstone, League, Skyrim, and more! Whatever the ONLY GAME you ever play happens to be, PC has you covered!
PC - Available NOW!