the truth is, you're probably never going to write that fanfic for a mass audience, and that's okay.

I spent much of my early teens writing Pokemon fanfiction online. I thought my stories were great and was, like you, eager to see how I could adapt them to a larger audience. I had interesting plot, complicated characters, compelling themes, and was convinced if I could just contrive some workaround, some way to write the fic out of the fan, I could turn it into a literary fantasy story.

It got too hard, so I gave up. I'm glad I did.

I struggled to write things that weren't fanfiction--or, at least, I thought I was struggling. What I was actually doing was writing with training wheels, and writing hobbled, building strength and muscle memory. I was learning language. I was practicing narrative without really knowing I was doing so, in the way that kids often do when teaching themselves a skill. I was a stronger writer for it, when I ultimately branched away to just regular grown-ups fiction (which took years.)

my neuroses and anxiety and depression are what keep me from writing for long spells, now. and I do have a habit of writing and rewriting old stories I should have grown out of, and revisiting old worlds and familiar characters that I should be done with. but I don't think that's a bad thing. some muscles take a while to kick back in, if you haven't used them for a while.

so keep writing. keep practicing. it's worth it to refine your skills, even if no one is going to read it. especially if no one is going to read it. because it doesn't have to be good--it just has to help you get good. and allow yourself to dream up new stories to be excited about. take the first good idea you have, and spring off with it. you may drop it along the way, but who cares? the muscles are stretched, and you're out of breath, and you've gone farther than you did yesterday.

and do remember to see a therapist. not the first one you find, maybe. see a good one. they're great.