I am in a very similar place that you are in. I need to make this decision for myself soon or else my relationship will end as well. I have the same feelings as you do- imagining a child free life, it seems wonderful. Thinking of a life with children, eh, I could work through it and there are parts I would enjoy, but I don't yearn for it.

Many people on here would give the advice that having children is something that may (probably) would be disastrous to do if you weren't 100% for it. Resentment builds up quickly, and if there are other things you want to do in your life that you can't or you have to work twice as much to afford all your kids or you have to spend more time doing kid stuff that you really don't want to do, or just the fact that you would be responsible for another human being's life... then resentment may build up towards this type of lifestyle and towards your wife and your kids and your in laws and everyone around you that has pulled you into a life that you don't want. I am paraphrasing poorly but I recently read somewhere that resentment and doing the wrong thing with your life happens more around people you love, meaning that we do things we don't want to out of guilt towards our loved ones and not with a purpose that we feel is right, and this leads to great resentment down the line.

Think about not going down the path you want, think about the guilt, the resentment, all that in your future, and now imagine on top of that you have a child to deal with that you are ambivalent about. Sure you find love for them, but now your life is about taking care of this new person who wasn't originally in your plans. That can be the worst kind of prison. One that can be long term crushing on your life, your health, your mental well being and of course your life goals.

Now on the flip side, I agree, the thought of regret weighs heavy in my mind too. But no matter what choice you make, either way, you will have some regret. Every one has to live with their choices and unfortunately there is not always one clear choice that is better.

But choosing to not have children has a huge advantage in this situation... It gives you the freedom (financially/time etc.) to then fill your life with what matters to you. If "family" is very important to you, then put in the effort to get closer to your extended family and your friends and their kids. You will grow old with them and have them all in your life and it can be just as or more meaningful than having blood children.

For me, one of my biggest worries is that having children will rob me of the mental space I need every day to be sane and mentally stable (I have a totally introverted hobby obsessed creative lifestyle that gives me meaning..). I know that if I don't have children, I will be missing out on some things that would provide meaning to me, now and down the line. Possibly deep meaning. But are those things worth it if I have to give up my daily mental health? Will I even enjoy those things if I'm not as mentally stable and fulfilled?

I believe people have been in our position before and chosen to have kids even though they were hesitant and ended up loving the lifestyle. But I don't think it happens very often. I believe that fence sitters who cave and don't follow their heart end up miserable in the long run, even if their life contains some Kodak moments with the family that they cherish, they may feel that their life has been stifled underneath the weight of children and family.

I think having kids and making a family is what people believe to be the safe move. The reliable one, the choice that people have made for ages and found happiness. I think one of the main points of this sub is to reverse that thinking, to show how having children for a lot of us (and sort of for everyone really) is the riskier idea, fuelled by romantic visions of happy long term families and Hollywood moments yet realistically leading to a harder and possibly less fulfilling life. There are people out there that just know in their hearts that having children is what drives them, what gives them purpose, what gives them a life goal. Those people should without a doubt commit their lives to raising children, it's a beautiful thing, that life devotion. Many of us know we aren't like them, and it's frightening to admit, but knowing who we are and what we want (even if it's scary and doesn't fit in with our current life direction/partner) is so crucial to leading a happy productive fulfillin life. Best of luck.